Piss on Week 1.8.12

Warning!! No one in the following post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to describe how outrageous and unforgivable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who finds this segment offensive automatically gives me the right and the duty to piss on them as well.

Sincerely,

Professional Rationalist

10. New Year’s Resolutions


I’ve decided to start the first Piss On of 2012 by “wetting up" anyone who thinks that they needed to wait until January 1st to shed a few pounds or save more money

They get pissed on right along with their so-called New Year’s Resolutions.

9. Jordan XI Concord Hype


I love sneaks. I’ve got more pairs than I care to count and I was looking forward to adding the Concord Jordan XIs to my collection. But when I realized the hype, I was immediately turned off.

Anyone who waited in line for the Concords and didn’t know what they looked like until they opened the box gets pissed on for ruining a good shoe for true sneaker heads.

8.Vince Young


So the Eagles are not in the playoffs and I need someone to blame it on. I could turn to Andy Reid for making the same old coaching mistakes. I could point the finger at Vick for not protecting his body. Instead, I think I’ll turn my attention to backup QB Vince Young.

He gets pissed on for jinxing the squad by referring to the Eagles as the “Dream Team” before the season started.

7. Drake


I’m as much of an Aaliyah fan as the next guy, but I could never get a tattoo in honor of a woman I didn’t know.

Can’t say the same about Drake who gets pissed on for inking Aaliyah’s likeness on his back.


6. Mike Milbury


The former Boston Bruin coach grabbed, shook and threatened a 12 year old boy who got into a fight with his own son. I understand sticking up for your kids, but man did he take it too far.

Mike Milbury gets pissed on for not fighting someone his own size.

5. Riverhead High School


When you think about the things you can get suspended for doing in a high school hallway, what comes to mind? Chewing gum. Fighting. Even Running. But taking a knee to Tebow should not be one of them.

Riverhead High school gets pissed on for being the most hype hall monitors of all-time.

4. Canibus


Say it ain’t so! Vintage hip-hop artist Cannibus has a diss record aimed at J. Cole. Apparently Cannibus feels as though J. Cole is disrespecting him by talking about old-school Cannibus when he has new music out. (Did you know Cannibus had new songs?)

Cannibus gets pissed on for not being grateful that someone is even mentioning his name in 2012.

3. Karel Abelovsky


This fool stuffed 247 reptiles into a suitcase and tried to sneak them onto a plane.

Needless to say, he gets pissed on for making the following statement too real.


2. Lebron James


Women around the country are ecstatic that LeBron James finally proposed to his long time girlfriend and mother of his two kids. I don’t know if they would have as many good things to say about him if they saw the pants that he proposed in.

I know they call him the King and all, but LeBron James gets pissed on for wearing pants that make me want to say “King Me.”

1.Inappropriately Dressed People


The other day I went to play ball and a guy was playing in jeans and a polo shirt. I went to an upscale party and someone decided to where sweatpants. I’m in Church and this chick has on a “freak-um” dress. For crying out loud people can we dress appropriately?

Anyone who knows the dress code for an event, and manages to completely ignore it gets pissed on for being the elephant in the room.

Wiseguy Music

Nowadays in rap there is an artist that represents every lifestyle. Rick Ross personifies the “blow money fast” attitude. Common is for the conscious dude. And Lil Wayne is for the weirdo. (yeah I took a shot at Lil Wayne fans) But what about the mobsters? Without further adieu I bring you Joe Pesci and Wiseguy Music.

It's Tebow Time, But for How Long?

If I told you an NFL quarterback had just ten touchdowns, a meager 1,054 yards passing and a mediocre QB rating of 87.9 through ten NFL games, you would call him a NCAA Division II coach in the making. Instead, many refer to a guy with those identical numbers as the savior of a franchise. A superstar in the making. The best quarterback in Denver since John Elway. But before we crown Tim Tebow the next franchise player of the Denver Broncos, let’s take a close look at what he has and hasn’t accomplished.

Despite being unorthodox and lacking proper mechanics, no one can deny the fact that Tebow is winning right now. He has his team sitting atop the AFC West and riding high on a five game winning streak. But as you take a look at those wins, you begin to see the story unfold. Only two of the five teams he has defeated in those W’s have a winning percentage over .500. They narrowly escaped with a victory last week against the now 2-10 Vikings and it is very possible that not one of them will make the playoffs. I get the fact that a win is a win but do we know how Tebow will perform against the elite NFL teams?

A lot of Tebow’s early success is due to his determination and ability to block out the naysayers. Whenever a reporter questions his abilities in a post- game interview,he manages to give a picture perfect response, filled with colorful language about “teammates” and “faith.” The question remains: how long can he remain beloved by Tebow-maniacs? Based on a mid-season poll among current NFL players, he has already been voted the most overrated. Even the team’s owner and Hall of Famer John Elway is leery of throwing praise Tebow’s way. Will the fans have his back if the team hits a losing streak? How long before wide receivers get fed up with running deep routes only to find out that the quarterback can’t reach them? It will be a very tough task for Tebow to overcome these types of obstacles in a league where the life expectancy of a starting quarterback is getting slimmer than Terry Bradshaw’s hairline. How many more games can he win going a ridiculous 2/8 for 69 yards like he did against Kansas City?

I do think he has intangible qualities necessary to lead a championship caliber team however. He plays hard, he’s a leader and all the other good stuff you see in Nike commercials. If the Broncos can continue to improve their already tenacious defense and develop a Terrell Davis-like running back, the only thing they will need Tebow to do is not turn the ball over. In fact, lack of turnovers may be the one statistical category in which he excels with just one interception this year. He reminds me of a struggling quarterback who found a way to get his team to the 2006 Super Bowl despite not being the most talented QB; Rex Grossman. No one would dare pick Rex in the first round of a fantasy draft, but the truth remains that he had enough talent around him where all he had to do was not screw up. As long as Denver’s defense doesn’t mind spending a lot of time on the field and the kicker is ready to boot three or four field goals a game, the Broncos and Tebow can emulate the success of the ’06 Bears.

The level of success that Tim Tebow will reach is completely up to him. Will he continue to develop his passing game? Will he learn to not take so many crushing hits while running the option? Will he work with his coaches to develop a system that showcases his talents as opposed to exposing his weaknesses? His best statistical years may be behind him on a football field at the University of Florida. He may never have more NFL passing yards than Tebowing.com page views. And that’s exactly why football fans are excited to see just how successful Tim Tebow can become.

Stella has her grove back

60 Minutes once ran a segment on elderly people being abused in retirement homes. It pulled at my heart because I am so close with my grandparents. Years later I still tease them with the idea of putting them in abusive retirement homes if they get out of line. I may not amend that decision and force them to dance to Big Sean's hit sing "A$$."

OHHHH Baby

Justin Bieber likes to not only rap on beats..he also has the gift to gab with the ladies. Oh Baby. Thanks to Jimmy Fallon, Justin may have a new hit song on his hands. Check out the late night hosts funny take on Bieber's possible baby momma drama.

Styling and Profiling

To be the man or woman, you gotta beat the man or woman. Words to live by. Have a good day and live it to the fullest like Ric Flair.

Dance like no one is watching

The fall is upon us on the east coast. It sucks getting out of bed now. Having your feet hit the cold floor, brushing your teeth as you think about how good it would feel, and dreading your commute for school and work. When all else fails, dance it off like the man in the video below.