The Magic Man’s suit for Game 5 of the NBA Finals was ridiculous. At first I gave him a pass. He’s been wearing suits every day since 1980; he’s allowed to make a mistake every now and then. Then I saw this suit from the Magic Johnson Collection.
Yeah, he gets pissed on.
8. Scientology
The religion of the stars is unreal. They even have a commercial that is aired on TV.
"SEARCH"
They get the business for thinking they can have recruiting commercials like the Army.
7. Maintenance Man
The maintenance man just walked into my apartment to fix the door and said to me, “I’ll be right back...I have to go get my tools.”
This jerk gets the business for not bringing them in the first place.
For future reference maintenance man, if I call you to come by it’s to fix something. Not hang out.
6. Kobe Bryant
It’s cool to be a family man, but sometimes your fam has to fall back. Kobe’s family should not have been on the podium when the team received their Championship trophy. His daughters didn’t score any points and his wife didn’t rebound. They need to be in the family section like everyone else.
I think this may be the one situation where someone gets pissed on for putting their family first.
5. Murderabilia
Why are people so sick and twisted? Murderers are actually profiting from their foul deeds.
I’m pissing on anyone who can’t live without an authentic letter from their favorite killer.
4. Reading High School Staff
Imagine you worked your butt off for four years in order to receive your high school diploma, only to have your shining moment ruined. That’s what happened to many of the graduating seniors at Reading High School who were deprived of receiving their diploma because a small group of students changed their grades.
I’m pissing on the school’s staff for letting a few bad apples spoil the bunch.
3. Equmen Core
No need to work out in order to get rid of that beer belly. This company offers shirts that can hide that bulge and make it look like a six pack.
Equmen Core gets the business for thinking that a male girdle is acceptable.
2. The Club
When I go to a club I like to grab a drink, listen to music and just chill. I do not feel the need to be in a sweatbox that smells like Cheetos. In my old age this has become way too much for me.
Any club where I can piss on the floor and nobody notices deserves to be pissed on.
1. Vague Police Descriptions
I was watching the news yesterday and the description for a felon on the loose was as follows: “Black male between the ages of 18 and 25. Five foot nine. Seen fleeing the scene in blue jeans, grey sweatshirt, and Phillies hat.”
Descriptions like this get pissed on for making me and every other black male in Philly a suspect.
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