Bully's

You would hope that the kid that used to sill your lunch money in the fifth grade would eventually grow out of his bullying ways. This hasn’t quite been the case for the 35 year-old Beanie Sigel. Watch this video of Beans squeezing a fan’s hand until he damn near cries in this video.

Peep how the security at the Sixers game stands around at laughs at the entire situation.

The Death of Dancing

With New Year’s Eve fast approaching everyone is worrying about what party they are going to attend, what they are going to wear and when they are getting their hair done. I’ll bet the house that very few people are practicing new dances to unveil as the ball drops. Reason being…No One Daces Anymore!!

What happened to the days when everyone danced? I don’t care if you were five or ninety-five, if your song came on you were going to bust a move. Maybe we have gotten to cool and are more concerned with popping bottles and talking to girls. Or maybe all the microwavable meals have contaminated our sense of rhythm. One thing is for sure, no one gets down like this anymore.


Soul Train Line Dance to The O'Jays "Love Train"

For better or For Worse

What if I told you that I would give you $50k on one condition? You had two choose one of the following options. Either throw a big party with all of your closest friends and family members OR DO ANYTHING ELSE WITH IT.



What would you do?



Spending the $50k in my opinion, in many instances is like having a lavish wedding. Couples choose to have an extravagant wedding instead of purchasing their first home or building up a nest egg for their children college fund or to start their retirement fund. If a couple were to choose the second of those two options, at worst, they would have a child with a degree or money for a few trips to remote locations during their old age.



By spending the money on the wedding the couple at worst has to deal with in laws that they may or may not like and run into a situation like this.

3X5 Podcast #4

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Playlist:
1. Raekwon - Sneakers
2. Super Cat - Ghetto Red Hot (Hip Hop Remix)
3. Brand Nubian - Don't Let It Go To Your Head
4. Wale featuring J. Cole $ Melanie Fiona - Beautiful Bliss
5. Dr. Dre featuring Kurupt and the Hitmen - Xxplosive
6. Tupac - Pain
7. The Lost Boyz - Lifestyles of the Rich and Shameless (Remix)
8. DOOM - Absolutely
9. Big L - Ebonics
10. Jeru the Damaja - Come Clean
11. The Firm - Hardcore
12. G Dep - Child of the Ghetto
13. Jadakiss - Knock Yourself Out
14. Snoop Dogg - I Wanna Rock
15. Mary J. Blidge - Real Love

Background Checks Are Necessary

The days when background checks were just for getting a job with the Post Office are done. PLEASE do your research before you start dating someone. Google their name and phone number, ask around, check their Facebook page. Hell, if you can pull some string run their liscence plate. I know you probably think I'm crazy, but don't you think that this guy wishes he would have used my tactics.

Dumbing it down

When I was in high school, my history teacher told my mom that I was smarter that I lead on. He felt that I dumbed myself down to fit in with my friends who were mostly jocks. Thinking back, I may have played down to the level of my academic competition subconsciously. My motto at the time was, "Why study and get A's when I don't study and get B's?"


Therefore, I applaud Jon Stewart for challenging "Fox & Friends" host Gretchen Carlson to step her commentary game up. In the end, sometimes people see things in you that you don't see in yourself.

Dancing Machine

I think I just found Ben Stiller's next movie. At least I hope I did. I don't know where to start with this video. It's priceless. If I wasn't blessed in the groin area, this would be my Halloween costume next year. Then again, if I wore the tights that these guys have on, I'm sure I'd get to go home with a woman dressed up as Minnie Mouse. I'm just not sure they have tights in a size other than an XS.

The 1987 Dance Aerobics Championship

The 1987 Dance Aerobics Championship - Watch more Funny Videos

I Need Some...

Damn, I’m sitting home alone and can’t stop thinking about touching her buttons. My feet are going numb as I sulk on the couch contemplating hitting her up. Everything was good, now all of a sudden baby girl wants to charge me an arm and a leg every time we hook up. I reminisce on the days when I lived with my mom and she used to come through. I guess I didn’t appreciate her ability to make me feel so good because moms was fronting the bill.

This is ridiculous! No man should have to live without her touch. I sit here rationalizing her fees…”It does make me feel nice, I don’t have to pay up front and my roommate will be home soon so we can share her goodness.” What the heck, I’m going for it. I finally get the confidence to use her for everything she has. I walk over to the thermostat and crank the heat up to 85 degrees.

Piss on 12.14

Warning!! No one in the following blog post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to discribe how outrageous and unforgiveable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who fines this segment offensive has the right and the duty to be pissed on as well.

Sinceely,

Professional Rationalist



10.Cam’ron


Killa Cam has gone Caveman and it’s not a good look for him.

He should chop the beard and use this piss for after shave.


9. Mayor Nutter


Good ole’ Mayor Nutty Buddy gets the business for proposing a ban on work place relations between city workers and their bosses in fear that people will use these relationships in order to receive promotions. The way the economy is today, get a job and medical benefits however you can…even if it does mean dating the man or woman that signs off on your timesheets.

8. Brandt Andersen


The owner of the Utah Flash, NBA Development Team, was forced to give fans a refund when he failed to deliver on the promise to get a game of hoops between Byron Russell and Michael Jordan during halftime of the Flash game.

He gets pissed on for thinking that Michael Jordan would actually take time out of his day to deal with such nonsense.


7. Soulja Boy



You either are going to get tattoos or you are not. It's that simple. Getting fake tats like Soulja Boy is unacceptable.

Forgetting that you didn’t wear your tats and removing your shirt on stage is piss worthy.

6. Pretty dogs in hood


Pretty dogs aren't meant for everybody.

If you are not going to take the time to take care of a shitzou or a chiwawa then you get the business for having one.

P.S. Luxury dogs are meant to be pampered and groomed; You can’t tie them to a pole while you go to the corner store!!!

5. Michael Redd



Michael Redd is an NBA All-Star and has won an Olympic Gold medal alongside Kobe Bryant and LeBron James. He should be doing commercials for Nike, Citizen Watch, and local Cadillac dealerships. I had no choice but to give him the business when I found out that he had an endorsement deal with Safe Auto car insurance.


NBA Star Michael Redd helps out more people at SafeAuto...Play It Safe!



4. All Sex All the Time

Do you know anyone who constantly talks about sex? How's the weather? “Perfect for gettin’ your freak on.” You talking about stocks and bonds and they’re talking about tits and ass. I have one thing to say to those types of people.

Take the time to talk about something else every once and a while. For example, getting pissed on.


3. Starbucks Booty Shaker


I’m not mad at this chick for taking pics of her butt. She made somebody's day with the bare-bottomed snapshots. I am mad that she did it at work and forgot to take her hat off. (Warning it’s a lot of bare bottom). I hope she washed her hands before making the next mocha late'.


2. Aaron Hall



If I want to listen to 90’s R&B, Aaron Hall is the man. If I want to piss on someone for being a self-proclaimed dog whisperer.

Well, Mr. Hall just became that man too.

Aaron Hall (The Singer) Releases Another Video Of His Dog Whispering Skills! (Claims No One Train Better Than He Can & Proves It)



1. Terrell Suggs

Baltimore Raven Terrell Suggs defines someone who should be pissed on.

During a heated altercation, he hit his fiancé in the heath with a soap dispenser, poured bleach on her and his son and threatened to kill the woman. Why all the violence you ask.Over tickets to an upcoming Ravens’ game for family and friends.

I’m sure you all can agree with me that he deserves to be No.1 on this list.

Pacman

The boxing world is getting what they dreamed of for just in time for Christmas. Manny Pacquiao will be facing Floyd Mayweather in a clash of the titans on March 13th. Las Vegas will be the place to be that weekend. People will be going further into debt to not only purchase tickets for the biggest fight since Tyson/Holyfield but to also fly into sin city to attend the countless parties.

I hope that Manny's movie will premiere in Las Vegas that weekend. It would undoubtedly be a hit in his homeland. I'm not so sure it will winning any Oscars in America since his big screen debut looks like a straight to DVD Master P production.

WAPAKMAN Trailer!

Sexual Harassment

Whether you just got a job at Wal-Mart or you work on Wall Street, you’re going to spend fifteen minutes of your first day watching one of those ridiculous sexual harassment tapes. It doesn’t seem like rocket science, but some people still manage to get it wrong. I’ll give those individuals the benefit of the doubt and say that the standard sexual harassment video makes the do’s and don’ts of work place behavior rather hazy. Perhaps you have to treat them like children and turn it into a song and dance in order for them to comprehend. I think this video should do the trick.

Horn Dogg - Sexual Harassment (Mike Epps)

3X5 Podcast #3

Listen by clicking the player below:

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Playlist:
1. Allen Iverson a.k.a Jewels: 40 bars
2. Clipse featuring Camron: Popular Demand (Popeyes)
3. Redman: Tonights the night
4. AZ: Rather Unique
5. Mayer Hawthrone: Maybe so, Maybe no
6. Buckshot and Steel: At Night
7. Eric B and Rakim: Don't Sweat the Technique
8. Talib Kweli: To Make Things Better
9. Outkast: West Savannah
10. DMX featuring Mase and the L.O.X: N*ggas Done Started Something
11. M.O.P. - Salute
12. Nas featuring Ron Isley: Project Windows
13. Prince featuring Pharrell Williams and Q Tip: Greatest Romance Ever Sold
14. Elzhi - Colors (Remix)
15. Notorious BIG: Party and Bullshit

I'm gonna tell your momma

I feel like I know more people that are unemployed, hate their jobs, and on the verge of getting laid off versus those that actually have a career that they enjoy. I'm starting to think that many of the jobless will soon be homeless, standing on corners, offering the accounting, marketing, finance, and engineering skills that they honed at colleges for free while holding signs that read, "I will market for food."


This singer was once a Grammy award winning artist. I actually made that up but since the economy is so screwed up at the moment, I don't blame you for believing me.

Homeless G-Funk beat boxer "Red"- I Should Tell Your Momma


Thanks to all the suppport....... HE ACTUALLY HIT IT BIG!...MOMMA WOULD BE PROUD

Art shouldnt inspire laughter

I love art. Primarily because I am only good at tracing, paint by numbers, and drawing stick men. I always imagined the pride that artists from all genres must have when someone knows the words to their songs, imitates their dance moves, or is willing to pay a hefty amount for one of their creations.


Which leads me to Waka Flocka. I'm not familiar with his work. I do find his name amusing and it makes me want to say it as I look into a fan. I am pretty sure that it must suck to see people laughing at your artistry as opposed appreciating it.

Wacka Flocka Flame

Piss On Week 12.7.09

I know it’s been a minute, but I have decided to stop pissing in toilets and bring the urination back to where it belongs… the weekly “Piss On Segment” of 31 Percent!!!

9. Dick’s Sporting Goods

Dick’s Sporting Goods took a stand against animal cruelty this season and decided to not sell Michael Vick jerseys because he was convicted of dog fighting.

The sporting goods store gets pissed on for not taking the same stand against deer hunters. Can someone explain how the jersey of a man who served his time is wrong, but a shirt like this is perfectly acceptable.

8. Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian

It was bad enough when the LA Laker and reality TV star got married after dating for only a month.

It became piss worthy when they made the decision to have a baby during an interview.
I heard that they are renewing their vowels next month. LOL

7. Rapper Lockdown


Is it just me or have you realized that there is a new rapper in jail every other day. First Lil’ Lim, then T.I., now Lil’ Wayne is doing a bid.

Either police are targeting rappers under five feet tall or these rappers should be pissed on for poor decision making.

6. Swine Flu


Why am I pissing on H1NI!?!? Because I’m tired of reaching for the hand sanitizer every time I shake hands with someone.

5. Job Market


Do me a favor… go to CareerBuilder, Craigslist or Monster and look at all of the new jobs that are posted. Now call all of your friends that were unemployed in June and I bet you must of them are still sitting on the sofa watching Maury.

I’m pissing on companies for posting these phantom jobs that never seem to get filled.


4. Tufts University


College students across America are struggling to pay for school. Recreational drug usage on campus is at an all time high. Meanwhile Tufts University is worried about who’s sexing who on the top bunk.

This Massachusetts University gets pissed on for implementing a rule that bands students from having sex while their roommate is present in the room.

3. Carrie Prejean

The former Miss California felt that Larry King’s line of questioning was “inappropriate” during a recent interview.



She gets pissed on for thinking any question is “inappropriate” after news of her racy sex tapes (plural) hitting the internet.

2. Air Jordan 4 Heels


Boredom had me surfing the internet the other day and I came across a ridiculous website. Not only are they selling fake Jordan’s, but they have the nerve to create Jordan Heels.

I’m pissing on the feet of any woman that I catch wearing such a hideous shoe.


1. Tiger Woods


Tiger Woods put his marriage and his $500 million net worth on the line when his numerous affairs hit the fan. He gets the business for forgetting the number one rule about an affair… IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET.

As the joke goes, Tiger gets the business for playing one too many holes.


Stay Tuned

I’m pissing on anybody that doesn’t keep checking 31percent.blogspot.com for the latest info, commentary, and hilarious thoughts that get you through your day.

Need Motivation to work out?

I've been saying that I am going to start working out for the past 3 months. Attempting to work out with a friend didn't get me into the gym. The idea of being able to bully my way through the club didn't get me on the weight bench. But realizing that this five year old boy could possibly whoop my ass did the trick.

Hip Hop started out in the park......

I went to a club over the weekend to see one of my favorite producers, 9th Wonder. 9th took time out of his busy schedule of crafting hits for the likes of Jay Z, to DJ at a local club. I was surrounded by all walks of life, danced for 2 hours (I never ever do that), and traded "who farted"/"who didn't wash"/"who didn't wash their reproductive organ" faces with a close friend because we couldn't believe what we were hearing. I guess this is what 20/20 had in mind over 20 years ago when they aired this piece.

20/20 Report Hip-Hop Special (1981) - Part 1


20/20 Report Hip-Hop Special (1981) - Part 2

Just a Thought: How to Solve Poverty

Did you notice the creative tee shirt campaigns in support of Barack Obama during his journey to become president? There was the one where he dunked over John McCain and the “Hope” tee shirt. I’m sure you may even own one or two of these shirts yourself, but what you weren’t aware of was where the proceeds from the designs went. Some quick research via Google provided me with the answer. Many of the tee shirts, hats, and poster sales went to the Barack Obama campaign to cover the cost of an expensive duel with John McCain. I’m not opposed to this method of funding, but it got me to thinking. What if we used this idea to solve the poverty issues in major cities across America?

It’s simple. Have art students from local colleges in major cities throughout America design shirts that display images of prominent figures in the community. For example, in Philly you would have shirts with William Penn, Dr. J, or Bill Cosby. (I don’t know about you, but I would definitely rock a Bill Cosby tee.) Proceeds from the shirts would be used to fund the arts programs in the poorer school districts.

A lot of you may be thinking that you wasted your time reading this blog post. Before you blow me off as an insane individual dreaming of a Utopia, think about this. We pay sales tax that goes to housing prisoners. We pay a renters fee for remotes from Comcast (check your bill, it’s true.). As American consumers we buy clothes faster than we can wear them. The least we could do is buy a shirt that goes towards something that matters………The Future.

Bad Boy Gone Good

First Ma$e turns pastor, now this! Former Bad Boy recording artist Loon has become a devout Muslim. I’m not saying people can’t be saved, but is this Harlem native serious about religion or just needed a way out of his Bad Boy contract?

Former Rap Artist Loon Turned Muslim

Sports - Why Philly loves Allen Iverson

With Allen Iverson making his return to Philadelphia, there are three things that you can rest assure will remain the same. He will still have a shoot first, pass never mentality, he is still going to be hanging out at the TGI Fridays on City Line Avenue and the Sixers are going to be a subpar team. With that being said the question looms as to why Philly fans are so eager to embrace him. It’s simple. Allen Iverson IS Philadelphia.

This city of Philadelphia thrived on Iverson’s love for the game of basketball as well as his desire to give everything that he had to the Sixers organization. His passion lead to a trip to the NBA Finals in 2001 as well as a slew of individual accolades. Who could forget the way the home crowd erupted when he crossed over Michael Jordan or the numerous 40+ point performances that he seemed to provide so effortlessly. Philadelphians thought of these occurrences when Iverson was announced as a Sixer for the second time in his career. It’s the rest of the sports world that recalls the selfish style of play, lack of ability to win a championship and the infamous “We talkin ‘bout practice” press conference. These are the fans that are left puzzled as to why we are so excited about the opportunity to rise from NBA cellar dwellers to members of mediocrity.

In order to answer this question you have to understand exactly who the Allen Iverson fan is. Iverson fans, for the most part, are people from the city of Philadelphia between the ages of seventeen and thirty-five of all different nationalities and socio-economic backgrounds. During his hay day, these people saw him as more than just a basketball player. He was one of the first individuals that they saw wear cornrows. He was the person who made it socially acceptable to don a canvas of tattoos on their skin. He was a social icon for the game of basketball, and it began with the young fans in Philadelphia.

It goes beyond being a social icon. It has to do with being someone that the fans could relate on a personal level. Philadelphians could relate to the anger that he must have felt when he was incarcerated for being in the wrong place at the wrong time after a racially charged fight in a Virginia bowling alley. Many of them too have gotten into trouble for hanging with the wrong crowd. Sure he has made similar mistakes over and over again for the past thirteen years, but don’t we all have someone in our family who never seems to grow out of their childish way. Yes it is frustrating but we still put our arm around them and tell them that everything will be okay. The same way we did to AI after the gun charges in 1997, the manhunt he went on for his wife in 2002, and the countless times he showed up late for practices and games.

That leaves us with one final hurdle…Winning. Iverson never bought this town a championship. How can you root for the superstar that never bought us an NBA title? We didn’t forget that we never got to see AI ride in a parade down Broad Street, and I don’t think anyone is expecting one with his return to the city. Fact of the matter is, we are not used to winning anyway. Sure older fans who had witnessed the early Sixers dynasties were disappointed, but to those of us who belong to the younger generation didn’t know what a championship smelled like during Iverson’s tenure. Until the Phillies won the World Series last year, this town was title-less since 1983 (Unless you count the Philadelphia Wings lacrosse team.LOL) We were content as long as we beat the Lakers during the regular season an advanced past the Orlando Magic in the first round of the playoffs.

So we understand the reservations that the rest of the NBA has about us signing Allen Iverson. Philadelphia is willing to put those issues aside. We simply want something to cheer for again. We yearn for someone who we can relate to. We NEED a reason to go to the Wachovia Center and support a team that is an eight-seed at best. And even if it is a temporary solution for the Sixers roster woes, for the second time in his career Iverson is ‘The Answer’ to our prayers.