Piss on Week 2.1.11

Warning!! No one in the following post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to describe how outrageous and unforgivable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who finds this segment offensive automatically gives me the right and the duty to piss on them as well.



Sincerely,



Professional Rationalist



10. Super Bowl Parking

Imagine you pay $3,000 for a ticket to this year’s Super Bowl. Then you turn around and get hit with a $900 charge to park.



Super Bowl parking gets pissed on for being more than a car note.



9. Herschel Walker





The former Eagles running back, who hasn’t played football since 1997, thinks he can make a return to the NFL at age 48.



He gets pissed on for worrying about coming out of NFL retirement when he should be reading brochures on retirement homes.



8. Regular Oreos





Why do I need a chocolate cookie with a thin slice of vanilla when I can get the double stuffed? Regular Oreos get pissed on for charging me the same price for less.



7. Winter White





White should be worn from April through Labor Day. That’s It! People are trying to wear this so-called winter white as if it’s something different.





They get pissed on for calling it winter white when they know damn well it’s a summer outfit they brought on sale from Macy’s in December.





6. Robert Burton





University of Connecticut alum gave the school $3 million dollars to build a new football facility. Now he wants it back because he wasn’t consulted when it came time to hire a new football coach.



He gets “wet up” for thinking that a $3 million donation was going to make the school become Robert Burton University.





5. Automated Systems





I called the customer service line for my credit card yesterday and all I wanted to do was speak with a representative. Too bad the automated system gave me every option but that. No, I don’t want to check my balance. No, I do not want to open a new account.



I just want to piss on automated systems for making an easy conversation so difficult.





4. Webb Chevrolet





This car dealership in Chicago fired one of their salesmen because he wore a Green Bay Packers This Chevy dealer gets the business for being a sore looser.



3. A-Team





The 80’s TV show was a gun slinging classic. There was just one problem... No one every got shot. All of that heavy artillery and no one gets as much as a scratch on them. I pity the fool that doesn’t agree that the A-Team should be pissed on for having poor aim after watching this video.



2. Tracy Morgan

Tracy Morgan’s humor has always been a bit strange, but this time he went too far. The former SNL funny man gets pissed on this week for voicing his choice of masturbation material during an NBA pre-game show.

1. Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks

This deranged woman is suing Diddy for $900 billion . No it’s not for corneal damage that occurred during the shiny suit era. She is not claiming to have invented the remix. Valerie is more concerned with Diddy’s involvement in the destruction of the World Trade Center. This nut job is claiming that Puff conspired with Kim Porter in the terroristic attacks that occurred on 9-11.



She gets pissed on for getting Diddy confused with Osama Bin Laden.

Parents Vs. Kids: Who's the Boss?

Kids today are out of control. They are running around getting tattoos on their face and having babies like the world is coming to an end. Sure some of the activities of today’s youth are irreprehensible, but they can only do the things that we allow them to do. Instead of walking on egg shells in their own home, terrified that their teen may retaliate when told to take out the trash, parents need to start opening up a can of whoop ass. I’m not saying go Joe Jackson on the lil’rascals, but you have to show them who’s boss. Granted this guy went overboard, but next time your kid acts up post this on their Facebook wall. Maybe they’ll rethink their actions and remember just how good they got it.

SPORTS: Now this is an Allstar

NBA All-Star Weekend is fast approaching as you all should be well aware of since we recently posted an article addressing the unfortunate lack of competitiveness in the dunk contest. Put a hyperlink to the dunk contest post here. As the NBA gets ready for their big party weekend, players are starting to jockey for the attention of the leagues fans. Players will soon begin to lobby for entry into the weekends activities as well as the actual game when speaking to reporters. Some players will take matters into their own hands while utilizing the web. The Memphis Grizzlies Rudy Gay has done just that with the clip below. In a matter of minutes, Gay went from being an obscure small forward on a middle of the pack team, to the black James Bond/Dos Equis beer man. I don't always vote for all star, but when I do, I vote for cool guys like Rudy Gay.

There's Something About Mary...Jane

Cameron Diaz better be careful. Sure she is a leading lady in Hollywood, but if she continues to snitch on gang members, she may not have that title for much longer. While Cameron was classmates with Snoop Dogg at Long Beach Polytechnical High School, it seems that Uncle Snoop was her pot dealer. I recommend that Ms. Diaz stop telling stories like these before she is the victim of a 187.

Rap City Comes Back to Life

The highlight of many 25 year old and up rap fans' day was once Rap City. The show aired at 4pm which gave us ample time to get home from school, watch the latest videos, and hear our favorite artist’s free style in the booth. Throughout the years, the show’s host changed a few times as well as the layout of the basement that it was shot in. When the show was canceled a few years ago it coincided with hip hops decrease in popularity and creativity. With the rap genre back on the rise, the show has been revived. Just this time it will air on Much Music, a Canadian version of BET or MTV. The first guest to kick of the new Rap City is Drake. Check out his interview with new host T-Rexxx. Now I just need someone to tell me what time the show comes on Comcast.

RapCity's T-RexXx Interviews Drake [01.20.11] from Karla Moy on Vimeo.

Movie of the Week: Grown Ups

Growing up is hard and some of us never do. Leaving behind childhood hopes and dreams can be difficult as we are forced to accept reality. Reliving the "good ole" days with people from our past does helps ease the pain and disappointment.

In the movie "Grown Ups", the superstar cast of Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, and David Spade come together after the death of their youth basketball coach. Even though their lives have taken various twist and turns, the guys still have the ability to make one another laugh and be there for each other in times of need. Growing up may be hard, but having great friends clearly makes getting old a little easier.

College Kid Literally Running the City

As St. Cloud State University’s baseball team prepares for the upcoming season, the mayor of Loretto, Minnesota has an unusual investment in the team’s success. No he didn’t bet his salary that they will make the playoffs... nor did he buy new jerseys for the club. The Mayor of the densely populated city is the team’s second baseman Kent Koch. Looks like Michael Nutter should keep an eye out for Chase Utley. Check out this story about a true leader.

Gone But Neva Forgotten

Death sucks. I remember every detail of the first funeral I attended as a child. I kept thinking about the end of video games and the phrase, "Game Over," as my aunt lay in her casket. Until that day, I never realized that human beings have expiration dates. I also got to see how peaceful the dead can look as I previously had associated death with gory horror films, zombies, or even masked serial killers. Missing your loved ones, as opposed to the initial shock of saying good bye, to me, is the hardest part. I think the idea of forgetting our loved ones voice, mannerisms, or face plays with our emotions the most. There is a new site called 1000 Memories that may help ease our worries. The site helps grieving relatives design web sites that immortalize their deceased loved ones. This is one idea that will have everyone, no matter what religion they practice, say Amen.

Lou Williams Is a Boss

Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers’ Lou Williams has played five NBA seasons and is ready to prove that he belongs. Not with a signature sneaker or an All-Star Game appearance. Everybody knows that if you want to be the man, you’ve got to have a song. Allen Iverson’s 40 Barz may have just become the second best song from a 76er. Check out Lou Williams’ “I’m a Boss” and you be the judge.

Piss on Week 1.24.11

Warning!! No one in the following blog post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to describe how outrageous and unforgivable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who fines this segment offensive has the right and the duty to be pissed on as well.



Sincerely,



Professional Rationalist



10. Andy Reid





First he told us McNabb was going to remain an Eagle before giving him the boot. Then he promised Kolb was the starting QB before giving Vick the gig. Now he’s fired defensive coordinator Sean McDermott after he just said he would be back next year. I’m not mad at Andy Reid for any of these decisions because they were all necessary.



But he does get pissed on for never knowing how to make up his mind.



9. Texting While Walking





T.W.W. (Texting While Walking) is not a crime; however, it is a piss-worthy offense when you fall into a water fountain.





8. Scratched CDs





Why is it that the scratch on your CD always affects your favorite song? It never messes up the skits or the radio song you’re tired of listening to anyway. Instead the one track you brought the damn CD for is unplayable.



I’m pissing on the fact that whenever I’m driving to a party, the only CD in my wheel that doesn’t skip is Carl Thomas.





7. Camden





The city of Camden was ranked the most dangerous city in America in 2009 and not much has changed since then…except for the fact that they are

The city of Camden gets pissed on for thinking that they are going to be able to solve crime with three cops and a watch dog.



6. Jealousy





I really don’t get it. You’re mad because someone has something you don’t? Instead of spending your time with your face all scrunched up, bust your ass and make enough money to buy whatever you’re so jealous about.



In the mean time...Pissed on





5. Skip Bayless





ESPN on air personality Skip Bayless did his best to convince everyone that interracial NBA player Blake Griffin should be considered white.





He gets pissed on for trying to bring the Dave Chapelle "Race Draft” to real life.



4. Chris Bosh





People have already been calling Miami Heat power forward Chris Bosh “soft” for quite some time. He provided ammunition for the verbal assaults by whining about an opponent hustling too hard. According to Bosh, "You've got to watch people's legs. I know guys want to hustle and everything but we all want to play and provide for our families and have a job."



He gets the business for trying to make the NBA less of a contact sport than it already is.



3. Flavor Flav Fried Chicken





No, this is not a joke. The first Flavor Flav chicken joint will be opening this year in Clinton, Iowa.



I’m pissing on Flavor Flav Fried Chicken for being the most ignorant invention since the 40 ounce of Colt .45.



2. Vybz Kartel





I’m not going to piss on reggae artist Vybz Kartel for bleaching his skin. I will give him the business for

Hey Vybz, don’t look at this as being pissed on. Consider it a rain shower.





1. Gucci Man





Rapper Gucci Man took our post about

Trends can easily become UNPOPULAR in the wrong hands

Trends are only cool when a small segment of society are aware of them. When rappers said "bling bling" it was catchy. When my grandmother used it in a sentence it made me stop using the word immediately. The mo hawk was a cool hair style until grown men started to get it. It looked adorable on adolescents. Not so much on grown men. Oliver Stone is an award winning film director. However, not even the originators of the dance the "Dougie" could direct him in performing their dance properly.

MUSIC: Most Wanted Albums of 2011

Way back in the 90's I would stop in Tower Records Store or HMV and check the release board. The release board was a huge board behind the registers that would list the release dates for all of your favorite artists next album. The date and artist was a surprise like a war veteran coming home to his or her family. You never knew who would be on the board. Once you got the release day you counted down the days. When an album was pushed back, you would restart the countdown in your heart after you gave your self a few moments to grief. Complex magazine has put together a list of the most anticipated albums for 2011.

Click here to see if your favorite artist is on the release board?

MOVIE OF THE WEEK: Shutter Island

Leonardo DiCaprio always seems to deliver. He continuously turns in award winning performances that show off the unbelievable range he possesses as an actor. He hit the bulls eye again with his performance as a U.S. Marshall in the film Shutter Island. The movie takes a few twists and turns and will leave you wondering how you didn't figure the ending out sooner. It also reminded me that I need to stay off islands that house crazy people.

Forrest Gump's son Raps

Everyone either wants to be a singer or thinks that they already are a Grammy award winning artist. We sing in the shower, while we do chores around the house, and when we are bored. We sing hit songs, cheesy songs that we are embarrassed to admit we know the words to, and television jingles. Tom Hanks' son Chet is no Eminem. He isn't even Vanilla Ice. He may even give lose a rap battle to an expert karaoke-er. Put it like this: If Forrest Gump heard him rap, he'd still be running.

Chet Hanks “White & Purple” Freestyle

Disappointing Dunk Contest

Presented by: NBA All Star Weekend

Growing up I used to love the NBA Slam Dunk Contest. I got the opportunity to see some of the games brightest stars take flight, displaying their athleticism and creativity. One of the things that stuck out to me about the duels between the likes of Michael Jordan vs. Dominique Wilkins or Dee Brown vs. Shawn Kemp was the competitiveness that fueled the night. These players wanted to be known as the best at their craft…..period! Winning the competition was about more than just a $25,000 check and another trophy for the mantle. Unfortunately, some of my fellow 80’s babies were too caught up in the glitz and glamour to catch the competitiveness. Guys like Andre Iguodala, Nate Robinson and of course LeBron James have dropped the competitive ball and disappointed endless fans by not competing in what should be a high profile event this year.

No disrespect to the guys that will be competing this year, but where in the hell does the NBA come off calling this a dunk contest?!? Sure contestants Serge Ibaka and Javale McGee will throw it down after an offensive rebound in a game, but they’re not doing anything I haven’t already seen a sophomore in high school do. And maybe I’m mistaken but didn’t Brandon Jennings, who has only two dunks all year, just break his foot in December? Sure Blake Griffin is the best “above the rim” player in the game today, but is he really going to put on a show against such slop competition? It’s sad to say, but I think I’m more interested in the Celebrity All-Star Game this year.

We can’t blame the guys who will be attempting to put on a show come All-Star Saturday Night. They are just doing the best that they can as replacements for the players that should be participating, particularly LeBron James. LeBron reminds me of the kid on your block who lives with his strict grandmother. Every year he has a new excuse as to why he can’t come out and play. This time around he said he doesn’t want to be apart of the contest because, “he (Blake Griffin) already has the home court advantage”. When one of the league’s elite players has this attitude, it’s sure to have an effect on others. Why else would Dwight Howard skip the opportunity to redeem last year’s loss? The most notable excuse that we hear time and time again is that the reward of winning is not worth the risk of injury, but history seems to prove otherwise. The only players who were ever injured attempting a dunk in the contest were Tracy McGrady in 2000 and Tony Dumas in 1995. If my remedial math skills serve me correct, that’s a two percent chance of being injured. Sounds to me like LeBron has a better chance of getting hurt during his pre-game rituals, but I don’t see him holding out on the talcum powder.

But maybe it’s my fault. Perhaps I was spoiled by an era of players who stayed in the gym after practice to work on new moves for the Dunk Contest. I could be judgemental because I know that Spud Webb has won the contest despite being just 5’7”. My opinion could be jaded by the fact that I saw Vince Carter put his arm through the rim. I am no longer going to expect the NBA’s young guns to grow a competitive heart. Sure I’ll DVR the dunk contest just in case Blake Griffin decides to do a 360 windmill from the foul line. But if I want a real competition, I’ll be on YouTube checking out my favorite competitions of yesteryear.

Jordan vs. Wilkins

Vinsanity

Mr. Opportunity

It’s more than just a long weekend. It’s about more than the opportunity to hit the club on a Sunday night. Martin Luther King Day is about honoring a man whose life accomplishments have had an eternal impact on the world. Dr. King fought for opportunity and it is our obligation to take advantage of the opportunities he has provided us. Whether you are doing community service or taking advantage of the overtime that is being offered at work, take a second to join Stevie Wonder in saying happy birthday to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Usher: The New Whitney Houston?

Reports are surfacing that the R&B crooner is using crack, and is on a fast track to a rehab reality show. Now I don’t like to make assumptions but this story seems pretty rational to me.

As much money as Usher makes per concert, he better have a damn good reason for being a no-show and the generic “illness” just won’t cut it for me. The only reason I can think of is the same excuse used by K-ci and JoJo..Crack. Not to mention Usher is a part owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers who are playing their first season without LeBron James. If sitting courtside and watching Mo Williams stink it up doesn’t make you smoke crack, then I don’t know what will.

Sure there are going to be diehard fans that want to defend their guy with statements like, “He’s not loosing weight he’s just wearing smaller clothes.” My question for the naïve individual who has 84 copies of Confessions is how do you explain this video? I haven't seen a performance this bad since the crack binging days of DMX.

Piss on Week 1.10.11

Warning!! No one in the following blog post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to describe how outrageous and unforgivable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who fines this segment offensive has the right and the duty to be pissed on as well.

Sinceely,

Professional Rationalist



10. Real Housewives


I tried extremely hard to give this reality series a fair chance. But after watching ten minutes of women squandering money and bickering about frivolous issues I am left with no choice.

I’m pissing on Real Housewives for being anything but real life.

9. Jermaine Jackson

Jermaine Jackson’s passport expired while he was in Africa. Why can’t he just apply for a new one and come back to the States you ask? Because he owes $91,000 in child support!

He gets pissed on for skipping out on the child support bill but being able to afford a trip to Africa.

8. Eddie Simmons


Bensalem native Eddie Simmons pulled a gun on a snow blower operator because he thought the operator had blocked in his car.

Eddie gets the business for thinking that the best way to melt the snow was to pull out the heat.


7. Staring


I can never understand the concept behind staring at someone. Do we know each other? Do you find me attractive? Is there a booger in my noose? What is it?

If you have something to say then say it, otherwise you get pissed on for creating an awkward situation.


6. Happy New Year’s still?

We are almost half way through the month, yet people are still saying Happy New Year.
For future reference New Year’s is over when you recover from your December 31st hangover.

I’m pissing on these well wishers for acting like the New Year began on January 14th.

5. Snap Backs

The baseball caps made popular by entertainers such as N.W.A. and Will Smith have made resurgence amongst today’s youth. These $5 hats are reselling for as much as $50 on eBay. Now if the high school kids want to think they are reinventing the wheel by wearing these hats, then that’s fine.

But if you are in your twenties, trying to relive your Darkwing Duck days, then you deserve to be pissed on.

4. The Game


West Coast rapper The Game was ordered by a judge to pay $50,000 for beating his cousin, Robert Kirkwood, during the funeral of Robert’s sister.

The Game gets the business for disrespecting the dead.

3. Redman


Redman takes being budget conscious to a whole new level with his most recent music video. He cut out the lavish cars, the voluptuous groupies, and the exotic cars. In fact he cut out everything but the camera.

Redman not only gets pissed on for shooting a video with a camera that he most likely purchased off Craigslist but also for the song being called “Big Spenderz.”

2. Socks for Soldiers

There are numerous non-profit organizations that are collecting socks to send to the troops fighting for our country. I’m not pissing on the people organizing the donations, but the fact that the donations are even necessary.

Our government can afford million dollar artillery, but we can’t afford to get our men and women some Gold Toes socks? Pissed On!

1. Snooki


It’s bad enough that “Jersey Shore” reality star Snooki looks like..well…Snooki. It becomes piss-worthy when she imposes her hideous look on little kids.

Watch Snooki as she does a great job making this little girl look as ridiculous as she does.

I hope you can swim

I've lived my entire life on the east coast. I spend my winters and falls complaining about howling winds, cold air, and snow while my summer is filled with humidity, and way to many UV rays. When I watched the tragedy in both Haiti and Katrina I was moved like the rest of the world. The floods currently taking place in Australia will soon go down in history as well. The residents of residents of Brisbane Australia, the country's third-largest city, are reeling from record flooding.


At least 40,000 properties were expected to be affected by overflowing water. The areas dam, which was built in the late late 1970s after the famous floods in 1974,has been damaged, making the situation even more dire.


The video below is of the town Toowoomba, which is the less than 100 miles from Brisbane .It seems a flash flood overtook the local shopping plaza. The death toll is currently at 14, while 90 people are missing.

Let's just say that I appreciate digging my car out from under the snow right now and will be saying a few prayers for those effected in Australia. I hope you ask whichever god you pray to, to do whatever he can.

MOVIE OF THE WEEK: House of the Devil

Jocelin Donahue, the star of The House of the Devil, is living the American dream. She is an actress on the rise in Los Angeles and stared in a movie that was filmed in her home state. In her debut as a lead actress, she stars as a young woman house sitting for extra cash. Since it's a horror movie, all the fun begins when she enters the home on a gloomy night. I'm not a horror film fan by any means. I may be the only kid that was deathly afraid of both Chuckie and Freddy Krueger. However, Jocelin's performance kept my eyes glued to the screen(and my knee shaking in fear:).

Jazzy Wheelchair Owner Takes Ad Literally

Motorized wheelchairs are great tools that can be used by people who are physically unable to walk. It allows those who would otherwise be restricted to staying in one room or house the ability to enjoy the fruits of the outside world. I even know of people who are more than capable of walking that wish they had a Jazzy Power Chair after seeing this frequently played commercial:

But when Jazzy Power Chairs states that they make a power chair that can fit anyone’s needs, I am pretty sure this isn’t what they had in mind!

Patti LaBelle Drops Knowledge

I’ve been a huge fan of Patti LaBelle since I can remember. Her vocal talents have been imitated by many who have fallen short. To add to her musical abilities, the Philadelphia native, reps her city well with her “tell it like it is” attitude. Patti is the definition of timeless. Just listen to her on the remix to Lyod’s new single as she drops some knowledge as to how to keep a good woman.

LIFE: Cherish Your Waffle Cones

I love ice cream as I’m sure you do. I think it should have its own food group. I’ve never seen a person run after a milk, meat, or fish truck. Yet, I have seen people from all backgrounds run after the ice cream truck with little concern for on coming traffic. Very few items of food have their own jingle. At the moment, ice cream and bologna are the only two that come to mind. The one item that can consistently take your ice cream experience into a completely different stratosphere is a waffle cone. The traditional cone works just fine. However, the waffle cone is treat within itself. It makes the ice cream experience even that more memorable.

People come in different flavors just like ice cream. I always had a clear understanding of who were my friends as opposed to who were my associates. I’ve always felt that friendship is a two way street. You can’t expect a friend to do something that you yourself wouldn’t do. Most importantly everyone isn’t a waffle cone. Meaning, some people are good folks that you appreciate from a far. While others have a magical connection with you that allows them to get to get to know your deepest thoughts, fears, emotions, dreams, and ambitions. These folks are waffle cones, filled with your favorite ice cream, and topped with your favorite fixings.

Some people say that I expect to much from my friends. I counter by asking: Shouldn’t you? If you are opening yourself up to someone and exposing your raw emotions, shouldn’t he or she be held to a higher standard that the security guard that you share a pleasant “How was your weekend” with each Monday as you enter your office building? Shouldn’t you expect your friend to support you during your new endeavor. I’d like to think that you’d want your friend to be brutally honest with you. If not your friend, than who? How would you otherwise grow as a human being and correct your character flaws. By expecting a lot I’d like to think you will in turn give a lot.

Good things should happen to good people. Heart ache or foolishness by fools that you mistakenly held in high regard should not alter the way that you carry yourself. In short, let the pigs play in the mid. You should play butcher and remove (slaughter) them from your life. Your friends aren’t merely your twitter followers, skype partners, or people that like or comment on your Facebook status’. Instead they are the people that you would call if you had a flat in the wee hours of the morning on the highway with no spare in the trunk.

If your friend doesn’t meet your friend standard, maybe he or she wasn’t actually your friend at all. At times we all make the mistake of making people into what we want them to be instead of accepting them for what they are. Maybe they were always just your associate. I don’t know about you but my associates don’t get any of my waffle cone.