Sincerely,
Professional Rationalist
10. Madden
John Madden and EA Sports are taking a stand against concussions and head-first hits. This year’s version of the video game will not allow players to return once they have been diagnosed with a concussion.
Madden gets pissed on for thinking I won’t hit the reset button if I’m playing the game and Tom Brady goes down with a concussion in the first quarter.
9. Pajama Jeans
When I first saw this I thought it was some form of typo. Apparently the forces of sleepwear and denim have combined to form the almighty “Pajama Jeans”.
I hope these pants are stain resistant because they are being pissed on for being the worst combination since Burger King’s chicken fries.
8. Repeating Myself
If I tell you something once, please do not make me say it again. That just means I wasted my breath speaking to you in the first place.
From now on anyone who asks me to repeat myself is getting pissed on. The shake before the zip goes to the first person that says, “Wait, why did you piss on people that make you repeat yourself?”
7. Rashan S. Michel
Rashan S. Michel approached NBA legend Dominique Wilkins after a game about some cash Wilkins allegedly owed him for custom made suits. As Wilkins tried to avoid the confrontation, Michel attacked him and what happened from there is a damn shame.
Rashan Michel gets pissed on for starting a fight and walking away looking as if he got jumped.
6. Nike
Nike is referring to the kicks pictured above as the “Cheech and Chong Dunks.” Is it just me or do they look more like the perfect pair of sneaks for a member of the Bloods gang.
Nike gets the business for thinking that the blood red bandanna on a shoe would not make them the official shoe of gang members across the country.
5. Butler
Damn Bulldogs! Who would have thought that the “Butler Bulldogs” would show up to their second straight NCAA Championship game and sh*t the bed?
This team gets pissed on for making only twelve of the sixty-four shots they attempted in the biggest game of their lives.
4. Music without Headphones
Yesterday, I’m on the bus and the guy sitting next to me is playing “Money Cash Hoes” by Jay-z on his phone without the use of headphones. It was loud enough for everyone on the bus to know that the second verse was about to begin. By no means am I pissing on this guy for his music selection (I’m listening to that song as we speak). But at 8AM, when I’m hung over and trying to catch a nap it’s the last thing I want to hear.
Me and the eighty year old lady sitting next to me on the bus are pissing on fools who refuse to wear headphones.
3. R. Kelly
I swear this guy makes it too easy. Most people would steer clear of anything resembling pissing on someone after getting caught doing so in a sex tape with a teenager. But then again, R. Kelly isn’t most people.
R. Kelly gets pissed on for jumping on the “Make It Rain” remix and honestly thinking that people believe it wasn’t him in that video from a few years ago.
2. Soul Food
You guys remember the movie “Soul Food” right? Well I was watching it the other day, thinking about how good all the food in the movie looked. Mac-n-Cheese, candied yams, fried chicken, sweet potato pie and then it hit me. They were making all that food and not once did I see anyone wash their hands!
The retro piss of the week goes to “Soul Food” for being so damn unsanitary.
1. Rutgers University
At a time when Universities are trying to cut back on spending, Rutgers found it advantageous to pay MTV’s Snooki $32,000 to talk about absolutely nothing. To add insult to stupidity, that’s more than what they paid Nobel-winner Toni Morrison for speaking at graduation.
Rutgers gets pissed on for paying so much for a celebrity to answer questions that any freshman on academic probation could have handled.
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