Piss On Week 2.14.12

Warning!! No one in the following post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to describe how outrageous and unforgivable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who finds this segment offensive automatically gives me the right and the duty to piss on them as well.

Sincerely,

Professional Rationalist

10. Adult Diggy Simmons Fans


Hypothetically speaking, if I said I find Willow Smith sexy, everyone would call me a sick individual (rightfully so). So why is it that grown women can go on and on about how sexy Diggy Simmons is? I’m not hating on the youngster,

I’m just saying that any 22-year- old that has Diggy Simmons as their screensaver on their phone needs to get pissed on.

9. Gisele Bundchen


Tom Brady’s wife publicly blamed Patriots wide receivers for their Super Bowl lost. I like the fact that she has so much passion for football, I really do. But can someone please tell me what position she plays on the field? Exactly…she doesn’t!

Therefore, Gisele gets pissed on for getting too involved at her man’s gig.

8. Weight Watchers


Weight Watchers is going out of its way to make people believe their product works with celebrities like Jennifer Hudson and Charles Barkley. I’ve got one problem with their commercials though. Putting everyone in all black with a black background is a dead giveaway that these people didn’t lose as much weight as you’re saying they did.

Weight Watchers get pissed on for poor illusions.

7. Steve Jobs FBI Report


The FBI has released a report on Steve Jobs that includes stories of drug use, extortion and bomb threats. I’ve got a rule: “If you don’t have something bad to say about someone when they are alive, then don’t say it when they are dead.”

The FBI gets pissed on for releasing reports on someone that can’t defend themselves. Ya’ll didn’t have anything bad to say about Steve when he was giving you a discount on iPhones.

6. Chris Weber


C-Webb gets pissed on for stealing Cornel West’s swag. Don't believe me?



5. Arlene Ackerman


Former superintendent of the Philadelphia School District was recently denied in attempt to collect an unemployment check.

She gets pissed on for thinking that she deserves a dime after all of the money she stole from the city of Philadelphia.

4. Homeless Feeding Rules


The Philadelphia Public Health Department has proposed rules for feeding homeless people. In case they didn’t know these are adults we are talking about feeding. Not animals or infants!

The Philadelphia Public Health Department and their homeless feeding rules get pissed on for expecting people to get a list of who’s allergic to peanut butter before trying to feed them.

3. SeekingArrangement.com


This site matches college co-eds with wealthy business men who will pay for their education, living expenses and anything else that college kids spend money on. I’m not mad at the idea.

I’m just pissing on the site for not calling themselves what they are...Prostitution.

2. “Weird Al” Yankovic Halftime Show


Search the Internet for “Weird Al” right now and you will come across a number of petitions for him to perform during halftime at the next Super Bowl. A Facebook fan page for the cause already has over 600 “Likes.”

I’m pissing on the idea and anyone that wants to hear this for a half hour.


1. Kobe Bryant


I know Kobe Bryant is a busy man. He has to constantly work on his game to take it to the “Next Level.” He has to shake his head every time he thinks about how much money he is going to lose in his divorce. But these are not good excuses for not knowing about Jeremy Lin, the hottest player in the NBA right now.



Either Kobe is way too sarcastic, or he gets pissed on for not checking for anyone on SportsCenter but himself.