Piss on Week 3.30.11

Warning!! No one in the following post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to describe how outrageous and unforgivable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who finds this segment offensive automatically gives me the right and the duty to piss on them as well.

Sincerely,

Professional Rationalist


10. Kevin Hart


I knew it would eventually happen. Comedian Kevin Hart finally crossed the line between funny and ignorant as hell. Take a look at his buffoon antics in the latest commercial for the new Ford Explorer.



He gets pissed on for making Flavor Flav look like Barack Obama. The only thing that could have made this commercial more ignorant would be if he put a 40oz. of Miller High Life in the cup holder.

9. Rebecca Black


Rebecca Black is the newest talentless teenage sensation to make a name for herself via YouTube. The thirteen year-old has done it all with her song “Friday”. I’m not going to tell you how bad this song is. Listen for yourself.



Anyone who makes me hate Fridays as much as this girl deserves to be pissed on.

8. Electronic Cigarettes


Apparently, the nicotine patch isn’t enough to help smokers kick the habit. Now they have electronic cigs to help them quit.

Electronic Cigarettes get the business for being another useless solution to nicotine addiction. What’s next? Candy cigarettes to the rescue?

7. School Police


I have no beef with school police Monday through Friday. But, when I see that car leaving the club on Saturday night we’ve got a problem.

I’m pissing on school police for clocking overtime on the weekends when the only person in the school is the janitor that lives in the science room.

6. Abercrombie & Fitch


As if kids aren’t growing up too fast already, Abercrombie & Fitch is selling push up bras for seven year old girls.

The clothing brand gets “wet up” on for trying to make little girls sex objects.

5. Check Code to Win


Remember the days when you twisted off the cap of your soda and were instantly told if you won $20 bucks at Footlocker. In case you haven’t noticed those days are long gone. Nowadays you have to go the company’s website and enter a bunch of letters found on the cap.


Soft drink contests get “wet up” for thinking that I’m going to hold on to a bottle cap until I get the time to go to the computer and see if I won.

4. Picky Homeless People


I tried to give a homeless man change the other day, and he had the nerve to suck his teeth at me in disgust. Pardon me sir, but you’re the one without a home.

I’m pissing on the homeless people who say “Can you spare a fifty dollar bill?” when there are people out there who are truly struggling.

3. Metro


The free newspaper distributed among major cities did a terrible job covering the death of hip-hop artist Nate Dogg. I’m just going to give you the first line of the article…

“Rap star Nate Dogg, who died March 15 at the age of 41 due to complications from various strokes (perhaps the thug life is not the healthiest)…”

I’m pissing on “Metro” for thinking that just because their newspaper is a joke gives them the right to make light of someone’s death.

2. Non-HD


Come on people! It’s 2011. Can we all promise to get HD televisions? I went to a bar recently and they had the nerve to have a non-HD television.

That bar and any place without HD gets pissed on for making the 2011 NCAA Tournament look like it should be on ESPN Classics.

1. Good Morning America


For once I’m going to be on Chris Brown’s side. Sure he went off on “Good Morning America” when they brought up the Rihanna beat-down incident, but how much more can the boy say about the incident. Since then, he has come out with a CD, starred in a movie, and has been pissed on twice!!

“Good Morning America” gets pissed on for bringing up old sh*t.