If Your Dog Could Talk What Would It Say?

I've always wanted a dog. I've just never wanted to walk it. It's either to hot on the East Coast or too cold. I'd feel bad for my pup. Maybe I could teach him or her to use the toilet. If my dog could talk like this pup, I'd either have fun teaching him how to use the toilet, feel comfortable that he or she would come home after walking itself, or be banging on the door asking it to hurry up so I could use the bathroom and to make sure to use the air freshener.