LIFE - Bitches VS Cool Chicks

Princess Diana


My mom raised me on her own. Thanks I think:) Although I must add that when she had sex she did not have me in mind. My grandmother is my Consigliere. I slept in the same room as my mother's sister (aka my aunt) until I was five or six years old. I say all of this so that you understand that I love, appreciate, and admire women. I respect them and have been known to befriend them.

Now that I have completed my disclaimer, you should know that I hate BITCHES.

I will give you a moment to gather your thoughts and get over the shock of bitches appearing before you in capital letters.

Now, their is a not so subtle difference between a bitch and a cool chick.

A cool chick normally comes from meager beginnings, raised by cool parent(s), was once overweight, played a sport, had older male brothers/cousins, or had a unique bond with an older relative. Cool chicks have the ability to be one of the guys, demand respect, and light up a room. Mothers ask their sons why they aren't dating their "cool" friend, grandfathers dote over the cool chick, uncles lust after them, guys protect them, and the family animal lays in their lap. The cool chick is Gods way of making up for all the damage that EVE caused.

Bitches are the Devil's first born. They always seem to have an attitude. Something always bothers them. In the summer they are mad that it is too hot. In the winter they wish that it was warmer. The spring is too windy for their hair. At the bar they have to be the center of attention. However, when a man approaches, they are rude. If their friend meets what appears to be a nice gentleman, they immediately find a flaw in him. If you get a raise or achieve a life long goal, you're bitchy friend down plays the accomplishment. Even though God or whichever higher power that you believe in has been kind enough to bless these women (I use that term loosely) with the perfect combination of beauty, brains, and charm somehow they manage to blow it and decide to use their powers for evil just like the characters in our favorite cartoons.

I don't think I have to continue much further. I can feel you reading this and thinking of your BITCHY friend right now. Countless bitchy stories came to your mind instantly and they all had one star: (insert your friends name her). In your heart of hearts, you know she will one day get what she deserves: a long miserable life filled with cats, stretch marks, and a husband(s) that was once a hot stud but suddenly obtained a beer belly and lost all of his hair.

TAKE THAT BITCH



“I Love New York” star Tiffany Pollard