DATING: You can pick your NOSE and pick your MATE

CAUTION: My articles are generalized and not meant for any particular or specific situations. Taking my well thought out opinions personally may cause anger, sadness, loss of sleep, or bitterness.

WARNING: This article mentions situations that are specific to my life and the lives of others. If you feel as if you are included I apologize in advance for any offense you may take.

Results may vary!

People speak of commitment issues pretty often. Especially in reference to males. I must admit that I have been accused of being afraid to commit and of being “picky” due to my lack of motivation to start a relationship. I’ll also admit that some people might actually have commitment issues but I’m here to speak on the behalf of those who don’t have problems with commitment. Instead we have a problem with settling and high standards.

Having standards is completely understandable and it’s expected. They are used as a guideline to find a compatible mate.

Many people confuse having standards with being picky when actually there is a huge difference between the two. Being picky involves having realistic and unlikely expectations; asking and expecting something that you yourself cannot even offer. But, the confusion about what makes a person picky leads people to settle for someone who isn’t what they really want because they don’t want to seem as if they are being picky; this results in an unhealthy and unsatisfying relationship. Recently, I found myself in a situation where I considered settling because I felt as though I was asking for too much. I’d been inconsistently involved with a young woman for about a year and a half. I decided maybe it was time for me to make it official and try to be exclusive. A problem soon occurred: I started to remember the negative things about her that kept me from moving forward with her. At first I thought it was cold feet since it had been a while since I have been exclusive with someone. The possibility of being afraid of commitment ran through my mind. Eventually I came to the conclusion that what was holding me back was my inability to settle. What I was doing with this girl was using my brain more than my heart. I thought because she had beauty, intelligence, a sense of humor, an attraction to me and could interact well with my family that I had hit the jackpot. I soon realized that those traits are what I should look for in EVERY female I meet. I also tried to look past her flaws because she was always willing to look past mine. I had to be honest with myself and acknowledge that I couldn’t bring myself to do that. I was not willing to lower my standards. I was attempting to create something that didn’t exist.People may say I am picky for not making things serious with this young woman, but I feel as though the cons out weighed the pros. Settling is something I highly oppose in situations like this one. In today’s world the majority of people feel the need to jump into relationship and settle for what they can get without being aware of what they are worth. By doing this, their standards “bar” is lowered, while mine stays the same, resulting in my standards seeming high. For the people who have lowered their standards to something not suitable for them, I suggest you raise them. For those comfortable with their standards but still waiting for the “right one” to come along, just continue to live life and realize that he or she will come along soon enough.

I asked the other members of 31 percent when an appropriate time to make things official, be exclusive and actually settle down. The Contrarian told me it’s like buying a pair of sneakers (keep in my mind I am not a “sneaker head” by any means). He explained that if I were to see a pair of sneakers that I thought I needed in my life, I’d put them on the counter, purchase them no matter what the price, and walk out the store a happy man without a doubt in my mind. He went on to explain that you can always return a pair of sneakers without much fuss. However, after making a commitment to a mate, you can’t just return their love and you can’t put a price on the heart ache that come from a breakup.

Yours truly,

Cornbread

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