Piss on Week 1.25.10

Warning!! No one in the following blog post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to discribe how outrageous and unforgiveable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who fines this segment offensive has the right and the duty to be pissed on as well.

Sinceely,

Professional Rationalist

10. Drank


You’ve heard of energy drinks to keep you going, but how about a beverage intended to wear you out.

Drank gets pissed on for being the most ignorant beverage since Colt 45.


9. and 8. Bus Drivers and Teachers



Every four years Septa bus drivers and Philadelphia teachers beg for a raise because they are allegedly not being paid enough money. Meanwhile they make more money than everyone in the city but doctors and lawyers.

They get the business for being greedy.

7. YaVaughnie Wilkins


This woman decided to make her affair with a married software executive public by putting pics of them together on billboards in New York, Atlanta and San Francisco.

She gets the business for breaking up a happy home.


6. Jay –Z


I didn’t want to believe the rumors that Jay-Z was a devil worshiper, but his latest music video “On to the Next One” has me worried. I read somewhere that urine helps to keep evil spirits away.

I’m sorry Hov, but I’ve got to give you the business to be on the safe side.



5. Manny Pacquiao


I was looking forward to the biggest boxing match in years as Manny Pacquiao was set to take on Floyd Mayweather. Too bad it won’t happen because they couldn’t agree on a drug testing policy.

Manny gets the business for being scarred of needles.

4. White’s Only Basketball League


I thought we were passed the days of separate water fountains for black and whites and all other types of racism. I guess the idiot that wants a basketball league for white people only didn’t get the memo.

Pissed on.

3. Maury Dances

I’m giving the business to all of those stupid dances people do when they find out that they are not the father, starting with this one.



2. Bow Wow

Drinking and driving is dumb. Drinking while sending messages on Twitter is reckless.

Bow Wow sending messages on Twitter about how drunk he is while driving is just plain piss worthy.


1. Drexel University

Seriously?!?! You are going to wait until after I graduate to put a Chick-fil-A on campus?

Piss-worthy indeed.

Music - Sade "Soldier of Love"

Everyone loves Sade. I'm sure of it. She is like ice cream, grandparents, old people, and swedish fish. I'm not sure why people like Sade or what she has done to assist in the creation of world peace, but that seems too irrelevant. Personally I always felt that her fans felt bad for her because she has an extra large forehead.


Anywho, here ya go: a new tune by Sade.

Life: Lateness

I have a bad habit. A really bad habit that is rude and inconsiderate: I am always late (or rushing which is my opinion is worse than being late). I think of myself as a considerate person. I am a planner and list maker by nature. However, I always have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that there are not enough hours in the day. I feel as though I have life A.D.D. I find myself getting sidetracked and unable to stay focused on the task at hand. I tried to set my clocks fast but after a period of time I started calculating my extra time which then results in me being late. When I'm not late I am just on time which makes me worried during my journey to my destination. Once I arrive I feel out of wack, flustered and unable to get comfortable for some time.

So I'm putting my foot down. Being late is not OK. Being on time is not fine. I will now treat all situations as if I'm a part of the police bomb unit and the timer is ticking down. Thankfully I won't blow up. With my track record, I think we know what the result would be.

Movie of the Week - Taking Woodstock

I missed the 70's. I sure could use a decade of reggae music, protesting, bare feet, sex, and partying. To get my 70's fix, I checked out "Taking Woodstock." After a few moments, I felt like protesting the "Man," wearing bell bottoms, dropping acid (kidding), and buying a Volkswagen minibus. If I could only find my black light. Damn it!

'Taking Woodstock' Official Trailer

Musical Gumbo --- UMMM MMM GOOD

I love music Gumbo moments. You know, when different acts, from different genres, get together and jam. I would like to think that this is how heaven is. Michael Jackson, Tupac, Biggie, and Ray Charles have the number one song in God's Top Ten video count down.

At Barack Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize after party in Norway, Will Smith, Wyclef, and ....WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR IT,

Toby Keith joined forces like Voltron to kick a freestyle and perform “Rapper’s Delight”.

Thank God for Youtube!

Sports: David Beckham doesnt want you to bend it

David Beckham is not a fan of being groped. I mean who could blame him? He has a very attractive wife, and if the news got out that he was letting women grope him all over town he would surely be in the doghouse. Not to mention he has no idea where this ladies hands have been. Check out this video as a reporter goes for the ole’ “reach around” on David Beckham.

They are called Cancer sticks for a reason

HINT HINT - CLICK THE HYPERLINK

My mother smoked cigarettes when I was a child. I despised the way the smoke seemed to set up residence in my clothes. She has battled her addiction to nicotine for some time. My grandfather, like many older people that grew up in a different era, has stated that he started smoking as teenager. He was so consumed by his addiction to cigarettes that he smoked one once he arrived home from the hospital after a major surgery. Both of these individuals readily admit that they are hooked on a drug.


Therefore, you can only imagine my reaction when I came across this ad for healthy cigarettes.

Electric Cigarette: Smoking Everywhere E Cigarette



P.S. Why do drivers hold their arms out of the window as they drive and smoke. If they dont want the smoke to get into the fabric of their vehicle, then what do they think the tabaco is doing to their lungs?

Quarters put to good use!

An aimless search of YouTube videos landed me on a movie trailer that I hope isn't just a cruel joke by someone. It looks like all those quarters we put into Tekken the arcade game were enough to finance a movie.

Tekken Movie Trailer (2010)

Prince dont know no football

Some things go together perfectly. Tina Marie and Rick James. Peanut butter and jelly. Michael Jordan and dunking. Frat boys and keg stands.

Prince and football..... Ummmmm not so much.

I don't see the Minnesota Vikings coming out to the song that Prince crafted for their playoff run.



the veil of the sky draws open
the roar of the chariots touch down
we r the ones who have now come again
and walk upon water like solid ground
as we approach the throne we won’t bow down
this time we won’t b denied

raise every voice and let it b known
in the name of the purple and gold

we come in the name of the purple and gold
all of the odds r in r favor
no prediction 2 bold
we r the truth if the truth can b told
long reign the purple and gold

the eyes say ready 4 battle
no need 4 sword in hand
we r all amped up like a rock n roll band
ready 2 celebrate every score
ready 2 fight the elegant war
ready 2 hear the crowd roar

that’s what we came 4
and so much more
in the name of the purple and gold

r spirits may b tired
r bodies may b worn
but since this day is r destiny
r history – that’s y we must b
4ever strong as the wind that blows the Vikings’ horn
in the name of the purple and gold

CHORUS

3X5 Podcast #6

Click the link below to play:

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Playlist:
1. Royce Da 5'9" - Count For Nothing
2. Common - Play Your Cards Right
3. James Brown - Super Bad, Pt. 1
4. Raekwon ft. Lyfe Jennings - Catalina
5. Cocoa Brovaz - Get Up
6. Skyzoo - So Mafuckin Soulful
7. Styles P featuring Angie Stone - Black Magic
8. Queen Latifah - Jersey
9. Groove Theory - Tell Me
10. Trey Songz: Freestyle
11. Little Brother - War
12. Mobb Deep - Drink Away the Pain
13. M.O.P. - Ante Up remix
14. Pharoahe Monch - Simon Says remix

*Ya we know there are only 14 songs...wanna fight about it?!?!

The G (GOOD) Spot

Hint Hint... Click the hyper link after reading the post!

There is nothing worse than someone that brags about their ability in bed, especially when the person in question couldn't even turn on a light. Turing on a woman can be especially difficult if you're an average man. I've never seemed to have these issues (imaginary pat on the back). Maybe it harbors back to my ability to listen and satisfy someone's needs. I admit, women are a different type of breed. They are right when they are wrong, and right when you as the man are also right. I say this with love and affection for women. I will agree with them on one issue: finding the g spot should be a fun adventure. It should be like Indiana Jones meets Christopher Columbus meets Neil Armstrong. Men should dare to go where no man has gone before.

This aint no soup kitchen

I was at my grandmother’s house and was telling her that I had to get home because people were coming over to watch the fight. She asked me if I was going to pick up hoagies or some type of finger foods for my guest. I looked at her as if she had cursed at me. Did she just ask if I was providing food for my guest? My home is not a soup kitchen nor is it the Red Cross. Everyone invited was grown as well as physically and financially capable of getting something to eat for themselves. I provide one thing, and one thing only for my guest. And that’s plenty of….

SHOTS!

Plaid is Nothing New

I’m here to set the record straight…Plaid is nothing new. GAP didn’t invent the intricately designed pattern this winter. It’s been around for generations. I hate to burst the bubble of the fourteen year-old kid that thought he reinvented the wheel when he bought a plaid shirt for fifty bucks, but my Grandpop has been buying them for fifteen dollars for years. Kanye West and Jay-Z may have made it cool to you. Just realize that Al Bundy, James from Good Times, and lumberjacks across America have been doing it for years.

Lumber jack song

Park, Recreation, and R. Kelly

Let me just say how creepy I think R. Kelly is. He married deceased R&B singer Aliyah when she was a teenager. He called himself the Pied Piper (mask included) for several years. Let's not forget that he likes to pee on people more than the Professional Rationalist.

After this comedic display, Aziz Ansari has given me a reason to check out his show Parks and Recreation. I also may have to go listen to 12 Play.

Aziz Ansari Talks About R. Kelly

Late Night Beef

I admittedly rarely watch late night television. I retired from shows when Arsenio Hall went off the air. I occasionally tune in to catch a quick laugh before I hang out with Mr. Sandman.


With that being said, I've never been much of a fan of Jay Leno. To be honest with you, his chin creeps me out. I feel like he has a pet name for it. Jimmy Kimmel always struck me as frat boy funny which gets old after a while. Conan O'Brien looks like one of the characters artists draw when you are on summer vacation. My favorite is David Letterman and it does not have anything to do with the fact that he sleeps with his staff (wink wink).

I have been intrigued more by each of these guys recently. Since they are all involved in a rap style beef, I may have to set the dvr for the fire works.
From what I understand here are the major issues:
-Leno's new prime time show has bombed.
-Leno is on the verge of getting Conan O'Brien booted from his new gig as Tonight Show host because O'Brien refuses to move the Tonight Show to 12:05am (which would make the show the Tomorrow Morning Show) so that NBC can move Leno's prime time show to 11:35pm which is the current air time for the Tonight Show.
-Leno is O'Brien's former mentor and promised to step aside and give the Tonight Show to O'Brien.
-Lettermen is still bitter with NBC for giving the Tonights show to Leno since Johnny Carson was Lettermen's mentor and dispised Leno.
-Kimmel has no horse in the race but in true frat boy fashion, he is hanging around to instigate the situation.
-Jimmy Fallon only has the Roots going for him.

Whoa. My head hurts from just typing all that. I doubt I'll be able to stay up with any of these shows tonight.

No worries, the videos listed below show the highlights of the light night beef!

Piss on Week 1.11.10

Warning!! No one in the following blog post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to discribe how outrageous and unforgiveable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who fines this segment offensive has the right and the duty to be pissed on as well.

Sinceely,

Professional Rationalist


10. Officer John Quigg


This PA State Police Officer was responsible for supervising sobriety checkpoints. He’s the last person that should get a DUI.

He gets the business for not following his own rules.


9. DeSean Jackson


Yeah he made the Pro Bowl this season, but did you know that earlier in the year he crashed a car that he was thinking about buying?

He gets pissed on for being another moron with money.


8. Denzel Washington


I believed Denzel as a crooked cop in Training Day. I believed him as a football coach in Remember the Titans. Hell he sounded like a good saxophone player to me in Mo’ Better Blues. But I can’t take him seriously in this new flick Eli where he goes on a kick ass, take names later journey, to save the Bible.

Sorry Denzel, but you get pissed on.

7. Cameron Reagan


President Ronald Reagan’s grandson was locked up for resisting arrest outside of his home.

He gets the business for looking like a complete idiot after being bailed out in this video.



6. Omarion


I’m pissing on this fool for letting his moms be a background dancer in this video.


That chick in the black hoodie is no aspiring dancer from NY. She’s background dancing for her baby.

5. Wendy Williams


This late night talk show host gets the business for having everyone saying, “How You Doing?”

Hey Wendy, How you doing after getting pissed on this week?

4. Sisqo


I’m not pissing on Sisqo because I heard the thong song at work last week.

I’m giving him the business because I saw him wear a thong in this video.


3. Mariah Carey

This drama queen accepted an award for her role in Precious highly intoxicated.

Perhaps being pissed on this week will sober her up.


2. Rod Blagojevich

I’m not pissing on the ex-governor because I can’t pronounce his last name.

He gets his fill of urination this week for claiming that he is blacker than Obama


1. Forwarded Text Messages


I mean seriously, why would I want to have anything to do with a text that says I’m going to die if I don’t send to ten other people.

That’s like me saying you will get pissed on if you don’t share this week’s urination with fifteen people.

Hmm, not a bad idea. LOL

The Shore

Tropic Thunder is one of my favorite movies. I loved Robert Downey, Jr.'s portrayal of a black soldier and the point that his character made about the way that African American actors have been portrayed on the big screen. However, I do understand that there is a fine line between making a good point, and making a fool of someone.

Unlike Robert Downey Jr, Alyssa Milano pretty much made a complete fool out of MTV Jersey Shore cast member, Snooki. The cast members of Jersey Shore do a phenomenal job of embarrassing themselves and Italians every week. Therefore, Ms. Malano didn't need to join in on the fun.

Alyssa Milano's Evolution: Jersey Shore from Alyssa Milano

Movie of the Week - Mrs. Henderson Presents

Did you ever wonder how we have gotten to a world where strip clubs are so commonplace? Perhaps this movie can provide you with some answers. ‘Mrs. Henderson Presents’ is a riveting film about an elderly woman who buys a theater in London and shocks the town with fully nude plays. Hey guys, this is one titillating chick flick you don’t want to miss. (Pun intended)

Mrs. Henderson Presents (2005) Trailer

Mr. McGag Please step forward

Yup!! McNabb Blew It Again

Okay Eagles fans, I have given us a week to mull over our early playoff exit. We’ve cursed at the TV every time we see highlights of the game and have refrained from speaking to our friends who are Cowboys fans. I don’t know about you, but I’m running out of Facebook statuses to express my pain. It’s now time to address the real issue…Donovan McNabb, or should I say McGag.

Don’t get me wrong, Donovan has been one of the top NFL quarterbacks over the past decade. Sure being the top passer in Philadelphia Eagles history is a great accomplishment. Yes being one of only six quarterbacks to amass 25,000 yards passing and 3,000 yards rushing is amazing to watch. McNabb, however, lacks the one statistical category that matters at the end of the day: A Super Bowl ring. It’s not due to a lack of talent around him. The Eagles have had one of the most feared defenses in the NFL during McNabb’s tenure with the team, anchored by the likes of Brian Dawkins, Jeremiah Trotter, and Hugh Douglas. The offensive side of the ball wasn’t shabby either with Brian Westbrook, a short stint with Terrell Owens, and the recent emergence of DeSean Jackson. A trip to five NFC Conference Championship games proves that the front office has done its job. When a team as talented as the Birds fails repeatedly in the big game, you have to look at the quarterback.

The biggest issue I have with McNabb is that he plays big in small games. When the Eagles take the field against teams that they should beat with Koy Detmer types at QB, McNabb plays like a champ. When the must win games come up that same player is nowhere to be found. Don’t believe me? Just look at what McNabb did in Super Bowl XXXIX, the biggest game of his career. Sure he threw for three touchdowns and had 357yards passing (keep in mind that most of that were simple screen passes toWestbrook), but three interceptions in the biggest game of your life sounds like a choke artist to me.

Many people argue that we Eagles fans are just too demanding. At least we got to the big game. He’s better than most QBs. That type of rational simply does not cut it for me. McNabb’s stats prove that he is one of the best to ever play the game, which means that I can only compare him to the other top quarterbacks. You don’t compare the mechanic that works on your car to the bum that washes it for two bucks do you? Newsflash, those other top quarterbacks… Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Brett Favre, have all won Super Bowls.

Perhaps at one point there was a small part of Eagles fans that wanted to give McNabb the “we’ll get them next year” speech. Hell if Bills fans could do it for Jim Kelly year after year then why can’t we? It’s simple. You could see that Jim Kelly wanted nothing more than to win the big one. If he made a mistake on the field, his demeanor showed his disgust with himself, and fans could respect that. McGag on the other hand simply smiles and pats on his chest as though he just misread a route in practice. Before a big playoff game, there was no doubt that Jim Kelley was focused on winning in order to get to the big game. What’s McNabb doing right before a huge playoff game against the NFC East rival Cowboys?



EXACTLY

What SHOULD happen during the offseason is that Jeffrey Lurie and Coach Reid give Donovan McNabb the ax and let Mike Vick and Kevin Kolb battle it out for the starting job. But as Eagles fans, we all know the reality is that McNabb will be back for another year, and we will be forced to think of some more creative ways to articulate our despise for him on Facebook.

I wanna take you to the movies

Sad to say it, but this is the best song I have heard all day. This Sudan rapper isn't talking about killing anybody, selling drugs, or how much money he has. Nope!! He's rapping about taking a chick to the movies. LOLLOL

BANGS Take U To Da Movies

Thugs get chilly too!

People that always seem mad amaze me. You know the people that don't smile on sunny days, pay weeks, or in pictures. They always look like they have to use the bathroom because they ate McDonald's. I used to think that these types of people needed a hug. Now I think that a Snuggie will do the trick.

Piss on Week 1.4.09

Warning!! No one in the following blog post is actually being pissed on. It is simply an expression meant to discribe how outrageous and unforgiveable the actions of the following people really are. Anyone who fines this segment offensive has the right and the duty to be pissed on as well.

Sinceely,

Professional Rationalist

10. Homeland Security


The other week I received a ticket for being parked in an emergency route during the snow storm. I’m not arguing the fact that I received the ticket, but from Homeland Security?

They get pissed on for worrying about my Toyota being parked on my block, when they should be focusing on terrorists.

9. Teddy Riley

Music producer and BlackStreet front man Teddy Riley gets the business for assaulting his kids over a game of Rockband.

I guess someone forgot to tell Teddy that he wasn’t in the studio.



8. And1


I enjoy watching basketball. I like the taste of a fresh piece of bread.

And1 gets the business for thinking that I need the two intertwined with their new Wonder Bread inspired shoe.

7. Community Education Partners


I applied for a job at CEP, an alternative school for children with behavioral problems, as a Teacher’s assistant. They recently called and notified me that I had gotten the job…AS A SECURITY GUARD.

Any school that can’t tell the difference between an aspiring teacher and a security guard deserves to get the business.

6. Q


Should I piss on this R&B want-to-be because he is crying about getting kicked out of Diddy’s band, Day 26. Perhaps he should get the business because he put the careers of the remaining members at risk with his selfishness. Hmm, I think I’ll just piss on him for shouting out his barber in this video.



5. Mr. T


I’m pissing on Mr. T and anybody that buys this product from his newest infomercial.

I pity the fool that doesn’t join me in giving Mr. T the business.

Watch Mr. T infomercial FlavorWave Turbo in Celebrity & Showbiz  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

4. NFL


Bengal’s wide receiver Chad Ochocinco asked the NFL if he could honor his recently deceased teammate, Chris Henry, by wearing his jersey during a game.

The league’s response was no, which prompts me to respond with a healthy urination.

3. Fairfax Police



This police department gets the business for arresting a man who was naked in his own home.

If you can’t be naked in your own house, where can you get naked?

2. Jersey Shore


If you haven’t heard of the new MTV show ‘Jersey Shore’ please watch this clip.

Go ahead, I’ll wait....Anything this stereotypical in 2009 deserves to be pissed on.



1. Gilbert Arenas


This multi-million dollar fool had the nerve to pull a gun on a teammate in the locker room.

He gets pissed on for having guns in the locker room period. FYI… no one named Gilbert should be pulling guns on people.

Sermom + Video = Sermon in a Song

I was forced to go to church as a youngster. I have to admit, even though I am not very religious, I am spiritual, and many of the lessons that I learned in the church help guide my life today. As I got older, I started to notice some of the bad things that are associated with church at times such as gossip, money, sex, and corruption. Pretty much everything that made us love the Sopranos.


This video not only takes me back to my days as in usher in my local church, it also reminds me of what never allowed me to totally embrace the church experience.

I wish I had money to blow

Like many older hip hop lovers, I'm pretty much disenchanted with today's boom bap scene. Call me a hater, or picky, but I have some standards. One of my least favorite rappers is the Birdman. Maybe it's the tattoo he has on the top of his head. Better yet, maybe, its the fact that he can't wrap a present let alone a memorable verse.

For future reference, you may need to rethink your career when a fierce hip hop advocate like myself would much rather hear acappella group Candy Slice's version of your hit single Mr. Birdman.

Lost Sing-Off Tape: Birdman Money To Blow

DATING - Turn the TV down please

Like a lot of people, the volume of the television always seems to start an argument between me and my girlfriend. She thinks I'm going deaf, while I think she has little faith in me. I always try to explain that I don't turn the television up when she leaves the room. I may let out the fart that I have been holding in, but I do not change the volume on the television. My mother raised me better than that for god's sake. She swears that I'm trying to actually pretend that I'm inside of the stadium when I am watching sporting events.

This proposed bill finally proves my innocence. It wasn't me after all. It was the damn commercials. This was just one more small win for all MAN kind.

3X5 Podcast #5

Listen by clicking on the player below:

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Playlist:
1. Luther Vandross - Never Too Much
2. Reflection Eternal – Just Begun (feat. Jay Electronica, J. Cole & Mos Def)
3. Young Jeezy - Go Crazy
4. 9thmatic & Khrysis - Make It Big
5. Audio Two - Top Billin'
6. Nas - Money Over Bullshit
7. Canibus - Second Round KO
8. Clipse featuring Joss Stone - Celebrate
9. L.O.X - Fuck You
10. Baby Cham - Man A Man 2
11. Strange Fruit Project - Crash
12. Drama featuring Fabolous - Hustla's Poster Child
13. 50 Cent - I Get It In
14. Juelez Santana - Days of Our Lives
15. Junior Mafia - Get Money