Everyone needs a mother

My Aunt came over to my apartment last week to drop something off. Coincidentally, a male friend was waiting outside of my apartment to be let in. Once I let my friend into my apartment, he asked me who the "shorty" was in the blue Infiniti. The Professional Rationalist, yelped, "That's my momma." In honor or my Aunt, and all of the Mother Lovers across the universe, I present this little diddy.

Mother Lover

Two slurs don't make a right

I am officially afraid of Perez Hilton. He will be placed on my "I hope I am not on a plane and it crashes and we are stranded on an island together like on the show Lost" list along with Bobby Brown, Bill O'Reilly, Naomi Campbell, and Jackie Chan. I mean really, he is "gangsta." He is beefing with...*gulp* Will-i-am of the Black Eyed Peas. I guess 50 Cent (or as non hip hop fans call him Fitty Cent) and DMX were busy. I mean really, the Black Eyed Peas' new hit single "Boom Boom Pow" is actually about pimps beating down their hoes (and not actually an uptempo song tailormade for spinning classes across the country).

P.S. I'm confused. Perez called gangsta rapper (kidding) Will-i-am a faggot. Isn't that against the rules? Someone may call Perez that slur. Doesn't that make it ineligible for it to be used by Perez? Am I supposed to call white people the "N word" now? I'm so confused. I'm starting to think that I feel out of the loop again.

Perez Hilton VS. Will.I.Am

Dating: I'm a Bachelor/Bachelorette this weekend

Ever wonder why (enter any friend's name here) entered a relationship and then fell into the never ending friend blackhole never to be seen again. For some reason said friend has entered into the "I'm in love" witness protection program. Said friend will reply to an email chain or, during a short and extremely awkward phone conversation, he or she will state that you guys haven't seen each other in for what seems like forever. You wonder, what has said friend on the prowl like an undercover cop looking to make a drug bust. You are then hit with it like someones bad breath....said friend's partner is not around so said friend has declared him or herself a Bachelor or Bachelorette for the evening.

So for future reference, is being a Bachelor or Bachelorette for the day like being an adult for the day like Tom Hanks in the movie Big? Do you get to jump on the bed with your shoes on, eat ice cream for breakfast, and not wash the dishes right away? The answer is NO.

Long lost friend, make the call. The longer you wait the harder it will be.

That's What Friends Are For

Dating

Dating can be tougher than three day old bbqed meat - compromising, learning to deal with your mate's weaknesses, giving in to their strengths, all while becoming a better person and not losing yourself or the relationships that you have with your friends. At times you can lose yourself like you once lost your high school I.D or notebook. Yes, it has its benefits, and you have the good memories to show for it. With that said, we must admit, the hurt has this nasty habit of lingering around a little longer than we would like. Just like a junky, in this case, a love junky, we keep chasing the good moments as if they are a first high and trying to find humor in the bad or ridiculous.

So away we go, up up and away. Enjoy the ride as we chronicle dating issues with you and your mate.

If you mess with my sneaks, I may have to cut you..REALLY

I recently acquired a sneaker addiction thanks to the Professional Rationalist. I shoot up (purchase sneakers) about once a month. Occasionally I O.D. (spend way to much) on my habit. I spazz out when it rains, curse myself when I stub my toe, and give out mob stares when someone steps on my feet. I cannot, however, say that I've ever punched someone in the face.

Footlocker - "It's A Sneaker Thing"

Movie of the Week - Donnie Brasco

Snitching is a buzz words nowadays. As water cooler talk and on national news outlets such as CNN. Some would say that Donnie Brasco is the most famous snitch of all time. The question remains, can you be a snitch if you are a federal employee? For that matter, can you be a snitch if you are a hardworking citizen that reports illegal activities?


Donnie Brasco Trailer

There is nothing wrong with man love!

There is nothing like guy love. The slap of hands on a basketball court. A pat on the butt for tracking down a loose ball. Planning a friend's bachelor party. Reminding him of his anniversary or girlfriend's birthday. Making fun of one of his outfits. Holding the ugliest/nastiest girl that he slept with over his head. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking of it.

This is my ode to male love!

Saturday Night Live - Digital Short: Iran So Far

Life: This Song Could Save Your Life

I have a challenge for you guys and gals. Whenever you are about to indulge in something dumb, outrageous, or potentially life threatening turn on the radio. Flip through all of the stations. If this song comes on it means that you were not meant to partake in that activity. I'm no preacher; far from it. I can't tell you the last time I've been to Church. Only thing I know is that if you are having second thoughts about doing something and this auto-tune laced gospel song comes on, you better fall back. It could save your life.

Biggie Smalls is Precious!

Mariah Carey, comedian Mo'Nique, and a lead character that looks just like the Notorious B.I.G. This film may break Star Wars' box office records. I kid, I kid. Baby, Babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Precious Movie Trailer (2009)

Pimping aint easy, but its easier when it comes to things that we love!

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Now I understand how real Rock and Roll fans feel about Guitar Hero. The idea of someone dueling against DJ Jazzy Jeff makes my blood boil. How dare they pimp out my beloved hip hop? I refuse to stand still and let this happen. I'm going to write my Congressman and State Rep. The hell with it. I will just contact my President. I'm sure he can understand where I'm coming from.

E3 09: DJ Hero Demo


SCRATCH DECK controller for Scratch: The Ultimate DJ


DJ HERO JAY Z & EMINEM PARTY E3 2009

Somethings are worth going into debt for!

GM is in the same boat as hookers. Let that sink in then go to the bathroom and splash some water on your face. Good lord. I have a tough call to make. Do I renew my lease, finance my next car, or buy endless amounts of sex BJ/Sam's Club style?

Decisions, Decisions!

Salt N Pepa - Let'S Talk About Sex

Piss on Week 6.15.09

9. Magic Johnson

The Magic Man’s suit for Game 5 of the NBA Finals was ridiculous. At first I gave him a pass. He’s been wearing suits every day since 1980; he’s allowed to make a mistake every now and then. Then I saw this suit from the Magic Johnson Collection.

Yeah, he gets pissed on.

8. Scientology

The religion of the stars is unreal. They even have a commercial that is aired on TV.

"SEARCH"


They get the business for thinking they can have recruiting commercials like the Army.

7. Maintenance Man

The maintenance man just walked into my apartment to fix the door and said to me, “I’ll be right back...I have to go get my tools.”

This jerk gets the business for not bringing them in the first place.

For future reference maintenance man, if I call you to come by it’s to fix something. Not hang out.

6. Kobe Bryant

It’s cool to be a family man, but sometimes your fam has to fall back. Kobe’s family should not have been on the podium when the team received their Championship trophy. His daughters didn’t score any points and his wife didn’t rebound. They need to be in the family section like everyone else.

I think this may be the one situation where someone gets pissed on for putting their family first.

5. Murderabilia

Why are people so sick and twisted? Murderers are actually profiting from their foul deeds.

I’m pissing on anyone who can’t live without an authentic letter from their favorite killer.


4. Reading High School Staff

Imagine you worked your butt off for four years in order to receive your high school diploma, only to have your shining moment ruined. That’s what happened to many of the graduating seniors at Reading High School who were deprived of receiving their diploma because a small group of students changed their grades.

I’m pissing on the school’s staff for letting a few bad apples spoil the bunch.

3. Equmen Core


No need to work out in order to get rid of that beer belly. This company offers shirts that can hide that bulge and make it look like a six pack.

Equmen Core gets the business for thinking that a male girdle is acceptable.


2. The Club

When I go to a club I like to grab a drink, listen to music and just chill. I do not feel the need to be in a sweatbox that smells like Cheetos. In my old age this has become way too much for me.



Any club where I can piss on the floor and nobody notices deserves to be pissed on.


1. Vague Police Descriptions

I was watching the news yesterday and the description for a felon on the loose was as follows: “Black male between the ages of 18 and 25. Five foot nine. Seen fleeing the scene in blue jeans, grey sweatshirt, and Phillies hat.”

Descriptions like this get pissed on for making me and every other black male in Philly a suspect.

Drunks are funnier than drug addicts!

I watched the movie "Throw Momma from the Train" a few weeks ago. As you can tell, I live a life full of action, sex, and excitement that can only be appreciated by the likes of Jay Z, Bono, Bill Clinton, Ray J, ARod, Dick Cheney, and Rush Limbaugh.

Somehow, I'm starting to think that Danny Devito has more fun than all of the folks listed above. I mean, really, only the coolest of the cool drink beer in the morning. Who needs Folgers?

Danny DeVito is an adorable drunk

Movie of the Week: A Few Good MEN

The final 10 minutes of this movie is in my opinion, the best ending of all time. It is the cinematic version of a steel cage wrestling match between two talented actors. As an added treat, this movie has a star studded cast that features, Cuba Gooding Jr., Demi Moore, Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson, Kevin Bacon, and Noah Wyle.

Get to the truth and check this flick out.

A Few Good Men Trailer HQ (1992)

LIFE: Cap and Gown Reflections

I am sitting in my graduation from Drexel University similar to the way that I conduct myself during most ceremonies…texting nonsense to family members and cracking jokes with my fellow graduates seated around me. I decide to pay attention to the commencement for a second. They were about to present an award to a high school teacher who made an impact on a graduate's life. First thought that came to mind…Bullshit

I’m sure this teacher worked him hard and taught the kid a few study habits, but growing as a person is so much deeper than that. I sat back in my chair, stopped texting for a bit and began to reflect on the moments in my life that helped me to get to this moment in my cap and gown.

My family was key. Not just because they fed me, took me to Disney on Ice and copped me the latest Barkley jersey. They were key because they really had my best interest at heart. They could have sent me to public school and spent the money they saved on Heavy D concert tickets. Instead they realized the importance of me receiving a quality education. For the life of me I couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t let me hang out with certain people. Did they not want me to be cool? Not at all. They just saw my potential before I knew what the word meant. When I see guys that I knew as a child wheelchair bound from violence or stealing recyclables to feed their drug habits, I thank my family for screening my friends.

What people fail to realize is that it isn’t always the positive Hallmark memories that shape who you are. As much as I cherish the memories of getting two Iverson rookie jerseys for $100 with Corey or getting into the wildest situations with Dos or Chris; I value the sense of hopelessness I felt when the doctor told me that my Dad wasn’t going to make it out of the hospital. I can appreciate the anger that I felt when a cop told me and my friends, “Move and I’ll blow your fuckin’ heads off.” Sure these last two examples are far from being as pleasant as the first two, but the key is that I made it through. No matter what difficult issues arise throughout the rest of my life, reflecting on these events lets me know that I will be able to make it through.

As I conclude my personal reflection, I glance back up at the 22 year old graduate embracing his high school teacher as if he was Jesus and had just saved the party by turning water into Bacardi Razz.

Maybe if he would have had the same reflection I just had he would have given the teacher a simple hand shake and kept it moving. Perhaps we all need to remember those days and think about who and what events have been the TRUE reasons behind our current success.

Obama is fly!

Any foreign dignitary thinking about bugging President Obama should think again. See what the Commander in Chief does to this fly that gets in his way.

Steele is not 2Pac and Obama is not Biggie!

So it seems that President Obama has a running beef with RNC head Michael Steele. Let's just hope that this beef doesn't spill out into the streets. The last thing we want is more black on black crime.

Obama to Michael Steele: Rush Limbaugh Does Not Count As A Troubled Asset



USA President Barack Obama Opinion On Hip-Hop & Rap 2008

Hip Hop in Commericials

I don't hate all commercials that include rap music. I just think that McDonald's, Burger King and most big corporations do it all wrong these days. They are trying so hard to get black people to spend a buck that they forget to include music that they want to listen to. Once upon a time, someone at Sprite new how to do it the right way.

NAS & AZ in a Sprite commercial

Your mouth can make money legally!

I heard a song in the club recently and cannot figure out the name of it for the life of me. I know a segment of the song and have recited it to a few of my friends with no luck. If I could just recreate the beat with my mouth like this gentlemen, this mystery would be solved in a matter of minutes.

Beatboxing Flute

Sports: 2009 NBA Finals

Did you watch the NBA Finals last night? If so, I am sure that you too noticed that the Lakers are not a close-knit team. They acted as if they had won a pick up game at the rec as opposed to an NBA Champion. Don't believe me? This is what it looked like when the Celtics won it all last year. I saw nothing that resembled that celebration last night. To top it off, when guys should have been spraying EACH OTHER with champagne, bums like Adam Morrison decided to just get drunk in the corner instead.

Celtics Locker Room Championship Celebration (June 17, 2008)

I Always Get My Way

Come on, it's really not that big of a deal. I am sure that a lot of people do it, it's just that I do it well. Some people think I am a jerk . I have no problem saying whatever is necessary to get what I want. Is it really my fault that she is so vulnerable. Besides, I'm a good looking man. As far as I am concerned this is an even exchange, and if she doesn't think so she can always say no. Usually they look at me like I'm crazy when I smoothly communicate my request. I normally get a no at first, but with a bit of sweet talk and promises I always get my way.

As soon as I get what I want I roll off before she has a chance to curse me out, leaving her feeling like a fool. But no worries, I'll be back again and she will give me exactly what I want.

Yup, persuading the chick at the drive through to give me free apple pies is what I do.

Piss on Week 6.8.09

9. Thong Sandals


These are cool for women, but fellas these should seriously not be in the wardrobe. Maybe I have a biased opinion because I have ugly feet. I just can’t understand how a piece of rubber between the big toe and the tall toe could be comfortable.

Seeing as though your feet are already exposed, I think I’m going to piss on them.


8. Conductors


You ever watch those guys flailing their arms in front of an orchestra. They swear that musicians are actually paying attention to them.

They get the business for not realizing that no one came to watch them move as if they are signaling a plane to land.

7. Big Boi

This rap superstar recently performed at a Sneaker Expo is Atlanta. Everything was going smoothly until he was spotted with fake Jordans. Fake sneakers in general disappoint me.

When they are gracing the feet of someone who can afford the most exclusive of authentic sneakers, it becomes piss-worthy.


6. Strippers’ Daughters


Don’t judge me but I was watching The Tyra Banks Show and the topic was daughters who want their mothers to stop stripping.



I’m giving these kids the business for being jealous because their moms look better than they do.


5. LeBron James

I’m not going to give Bron the business for ruining my NBA Finals dream of seeing him match up against Kobe.

He does get the bizz for storming out of the gym after losing and refusing to speak to the media. For future reference LeBron, poor losers get pissed on.

4. Mike Tyson

This fool recently married a woman who has served time in a federal prison for stealing $71,000 from a school.

Mike, I understand that there are not many women crazy enough to jump the broom with you these days. However you get the business for thinking that a woman who stole from kids would not steal from you.

3. Kanye West


The son of a doctor claims that reading books are a waste of time.

He gets pissed on for using his influence over America’s youth to promote illiteracy.


2. The Weather Man


This has to be the easiest job in the world…You Never Have to Be Right! My favorite is when they say 50% chance of rain which really means it’s either going to rain or it isn’t.

Hey weather man, I see an afternoon overcast with torrential downpours of urination for being unreliable.

1. Bernard Alexander


This high school student won a 1997 Ford Mustang for having perfect attendance throughout his senior year of high school.

I know this addition to the list is unwarranted and is strictly about my jealously.

Nonetheless, I am giving the business to this kid for getting a car for one year of perfect attendance when all I got was a certificate for perfect attendance from Kindergarten through 12th Grade.

Country music is stronger than Kanye West!

I was disappointed in Kanye West's most recent album. Disappointed because I am a pretty big fan. His most recent album was department store music for me. When I heard his music when I was in my apartment, I had an urge to try on clothes. I am so down on Kanye's music at the moment that I was actually intrigued by the Country music version of his song "Heartless." Here is hoping that Kanye West comes back with an album that is "Stronger."

Cold Blooded @ Yahoo! Video

Sports: Cry Baby's

The 2009 NBA Playoffs have been great. We have seen a ton of buzzer beaters and stars emerging from the woodworks. As the Conference Finals unfold, the first two games in each series were decided by three points or less. This is one of the best playoffs I have seen in a while. I just have one problem…What’s with all the tick-tack fouls and crying?

A guy gets called for a foul and he’s whining like someone broke his Ninja Turtles action figure. Someone tosses a ball or swings an elbow, and the opposing team is jumping around pointing the finger as if they are second graders snitching on the kid that stole the animal crackers. Come on guys! I’m going to need the NBA players to grow up. This is basketball, and despite what your entourage tells you, you are supposed to get bumped and bruised. I’ve watched Nene bear hug Pau Gasol and then look bewildered when he was whistled for a foul. Kobe Bryant has five technical fouls in this year’s playoffs and they are all for running his mouth. Simply Unacceptable.

It’s not just the players fault though. The disposition that they are taking is nurtured by the referees. Everything is a foul, a technical, a flagrant. Players have become so dependent in these freebies, that they feel slighted when things do not go their way. Official Joey Crawford leads the way when it comes to being quick to blow the whistle. Don’t believe me? In 2007 he tossed Tim Duncan from a game for laughing on the bench. He’s getting even worse with time.

What really puzzles me is the over usage of the flagrant foul. Just because a guys falls hard to the ground, does not mean that a flagrant foul should be issued. This is playoff basketball. No shot should go uncontested, even if that means having to knock someone on their bottom.

I remember the first playoff series I ever saw. It was the early 90’s and my Dad was a huge Pistons fan. At the age of five I don’t remember much about the game, but I do remember Chuck Daily calling a timeout and every member of the Pistons team was bleeding. These guys were going hard and doing whatever it took to win a championship. They were not complaining when they got beat up under the basket because they were returning the favor. More importantly, the refs were letting the guys play.

I’m not asking for much. All I want the refs and remaining teams competing for an NBA title to do is watch the 1989-1990 Eastern Conference Championship between the Bulls and the Pistons. Watch how those guys play hard. Look at the lack of complaining. Look at how no one calls a tech when Dennis Rodman elbows Stacey King in the chest. That’s how I want you to conduct yourselves during the remainder of the post season.

I can't live without my flippy floppies!

T - Pain's voice annoys me and I can't swim. Yet, I love this song. It tickles my funny bone. That's it. No funny comments, and no smart remarks. Just me, laughter, and my flippy floppies.

I'm On A Boat (ft. T-Pain) - Album Version

Life: Betting is Not for Me

Betting just isn't my twist. I don't get the thrill that most hardcore gamblers get. If I loose ten dollars the rest of you gamblers can bet the house that I'm leaving the table. Perhaps I'm just terrified that I will end up as one of those dudes that gambled away their life savings assuming that LeBron and the Cavs were going to make the NBA Finals this year. One thing is for sure...I rather squander a couple bucks as opposed to loosing this bet to my man Kev.

Madonna isnt the only material girl.

I never got the Madonna infatuation that many people had in the late 80's and early 90's. I always felt like any man that sleeps with her would be best served by wearing a whole body condom with air vents. I would have bet that she had swine flu inbetween her legs.




Fast forward 2 decades and we now get to witness the rise of Lady Gaga. My first impression is that I don't like her lips. It's hard for me to look twice at or fantasize about a woman without lips.

I'll let you be the judge.

LADY GAGA "Poker Face"

Sports - The Real Michael Jordan

Tonight is the big night. Kobe vs. Dwight, Tiger vs. Jack, fake boobs vs. mouse ears, and Disney vs. Hollywood. To help usher in the NBA finals, who else do you call on? Not Michael Jordan but Leroy Smith. Kareem had the sky hook. Shaq could break dance. Magic had the cool name while Bird looked like a bird. Leroy has the part time afro.

You better check your history books or Google him. If you don't know, now you know.

Leroy Smith Exposed (1/4)


In the Recording Studio with Leroy Smith (2/4)


Motivation in Action with Leroy Smith (3/4)


Behind the Scenes with Leroy Smith (4/4)

31% is still in business

Did you miss us? I sure hope so. You guys should have been waiting by your laptops, hoping and praying for blog updates like baby mammas wait for a call from their baby daddies in the pen. Sorry for the delay. The Professional Rationalist and I have been stuffing our faces with BBQ and beer. But hey, we are back now. Enjoy the ride.

Vroom, Vroom, Party Starter

Welcome Back Kotter

Piss on Week 6.1.09

9. Professional Rationalist and the Contrarian

A shocker indeed, but we deserve it. The Contrarian and I have been slacking. Sure we have been busy with trips, birthdays, and watching playoffs but that is no excuse for the lack of new posts. Sorry guys. We’re on it.


8. James Harrison

See, I knew there was a reason why I didn’t like the Steelers. This jerk thinks he’s too good to go visit the President.

He gets pissed on for letting a Super Bowl ring go to his head.

7. BET

On Sunday mornings BET takes a break from its gyrating booty popping music videos in order to air a series of spiritual television shows. I have no problem with this. It’s good to get your praise on every once and a while. But things became piss-worthy when they decided to tell me about Rick Ross and his relationship with God. BET gets the business for thinking that a man with songs titled, “Money Make Me Cum” and “Rich off Cocaine” is a prime candidate to talk about religion.

Rick Ross on Lift Every Voice

Rick Ross on Lift Every Voice
by yardie4lifever2

6. Dirk Norwitzki

His Dallas Mavericks teammates told him that his 37 year-old girlfriend was nothing but trouble. A private investigator told him that she had eight different aliases. He decided not to adhere to the warning signs and it was all downhill from there. She was arrested at his home for fraud, then pops up pregnant with Dirk’s baby.

He gets pissed on for not choosing his leading lady wisely.

5. Terminator Salvation

I’m going to keep this one brief. This flick and any future Terminator film that doesn’t include Arnold Schwarzenegger is getting pissed on. It’s That Simple!

4. Half Hour TV


As I get older and my attention span grows, I have come to detest the half hour sitcom. With commercials, theme music and ending credits the show is really only fifteen minutes long.

I’m pissing on all of these shows that are over before they even start.

3. Demi Moore


Come on Demi. You’re a very attractive lady, Cougar status even. But on the day of these pictures you looked like a grizzly bear.

She gets the business for releasing such hideous photos of herself.

2. 50 Cent

Some things should just never happen. 50 Cent sleeping with Bette Midler is one of them. Don’t believe me? Read the following quote from Ms. Midler: "He is one of the newest members of our tribe. He has really made my life worth living. 50 has been with me through thick and thin."

Now they may just be good friends, but I’m going to take the liberty to pee on this situation before the sex tape comes out.

1. Willy Wagner

I’ve had good sex before. Ha, I’ve even had superb sex. But no sex is worth the hassle that William Wagner went through. He gets pissed on for riding a bicycle 180 miles for some nookie.
He gets the shake before the zip because he was 26 and the girl was 15.