Joe Jackson Plugs Record Label

I totally understand that everyone grieves in their own way. I hate when people say that they "know how you feel" when you are dealing with a tragedy. Maybe this is because each person handles each situation differently. For that reason, I refuse to think ill of Michael Jackson's father while he goes through an extremely difficult situation. I'm just left a little speechless when I watch prisoners pay tribute to Michael Jackson while his own father took the time out to plug his record label. Actions speak louder than words. Joe Jackson's actions were sonic boom loud.

Joe Jackson Plugs Record Label


Inmates dance for Jackson

Piss on Week

8. Funeral Ticket Scalpers


Damn shame. Even in his death people made a buck off of Michael Jackson.

I’m giving the business to anyone who found it acceptable to make a profit off of the man’s memorial service.

7. Makeup Madness

It’s simple…too much make up is never a good look.

I’m pissing on anyone who puts on so much makeup that their face looks like a canvas.

6. Sarah Palin


Sarah Palin resigned as governor of Alaska this past week to answer a “higher calling”.

She gets pissed on for taking on more responsibility when she wasn’t qualified for the job she already had.


5. Tony Luke’s Cheese Steaks

This staple in the cheese steak world has decided to come out with a microwavable version. DISGUSTING.

Tony Luke’s gets the business for thinking that anything you put on the grill can be cooked in the microwave.

4. Porn as Kid-Repellent

I have heard of a lot of different tactics to keep kids off of your lawn. Screaming at the top of your lungs, threatening to beat the crap out of them, and even bribing them with candy and water ice. Never have I heard of blasting porn out of your windows to scare the runts away.

Being pissed off at kids at playng gets this guy pissed on.

3. Allen Iverson


A.I is a free agent this upcoming season and could play for any NBA team that he wants to. Most guys his age would take a pay cut and play for one of the better squads in an effort to win a championship. Not Iverson. He has shown interest in signing with the Memphis Grizzlies.

He gets pissed on for wanting to end his career with a team that finished last season with 24 wins and 58 losses.

2. Pool of Racism

A swim club in Northeast Philly banned more than 60 black campers who paid a total of $1900 to swim in their pool. Reason being...”they were concerned that the black kids would change the complexion of the pool”.

Allow me to change the complexion of the pool myself by urinating in it.

1. Comcast Dating on Demand

Do you have Comcast cable? Peep the ‘Dating on Demand’ segment. You can go through a list of profiles and people leave a video message about their personal likes and dislikes in a mate.

I’m giving the business to anyone who is so much of a couch potato that they have to find a lover on TV as opposed to going out and meeting people.

Another hurricane damaged Louisiana

Ummmm there are things in life that I don't understand, can't comprehend, and will never GET. Having a teen rapper perform a song in honor of a Hollywood actress on the floor of the Louisiana Legislature ranks right up their with the jheri curl. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell a boy named Hurricane Chris was doing performing a rap song for politicians at their place of business.

Just see for yourself!

Hurricane Chris Raps For The Louisiana Legislature!

Life: Just do the right thing and chill

Have you watched the news recently? You have police beating people half to death and sexually assaulting women.

Twelve year old boys shooting at each other. After witnessing this shooting first hand on Saturday I have come to scary conclusion.

People out here are crazy.

Everyone is spending so much time hating each other when what we need to do is listen to the message from the wise man at the end of this video.

Do the Right Thing-Do the Right Thing - Racial Slurs

Jaws was more dangerous than Scarface!

Scarface has nothing on Jaws. It seems that times are hard for drug kingpins. They have been forced to resort to smuggling their drugs inside of frozen sharks. Wow. Here, silly old me thought that it was odd when people smuggled drugs on a live person. I guess the recession is effecting everyone. Not only can't we afford things like shelter, utility bills, and education. We now can't afford to smuggle our drugs in a clean manner.

The definition of 31percent

I've been told that when you have your first child, you record everything. My uncle took this a step further, maybe too far (think the show 48 hours) and recorded the birth of his child while incense burned, after birth flowed like champagne, and Prince’s greatest hits played in the background. Personally, I've experienced this as my mom has an extensive scrap book that covers the first few years of my life. Let's just say that this thing would put the bible to shame (sorry Jesus).

This blog, in a sense, is the literally first born for the Contrarian and the Professional Rationalist. We really did birth this child. Our brains have the stretch marks to prove it.

So here ya go. The definition of 31percent, its early stages, and a little fun during these trying economic (self explanatory), and musical (R.I.P MJ and hello ... gulp Lil Wayne) times.

Lights, Camera, Action.

The definition of 31percent from 31percent.blogspot.com on Vimeo.

Things you do with White people that you wont ever do with Black people

The Professional Rationalist, John Butler, was spending time with a female friend that happened to be African American. She went to the fridge to get a beverage of her choice, and noticed the save the date magnet for a young couple that happened to be white. She shouted in a WB, UPN, ghetto girl voice, "OMG, you have white friends."


The Professional Rationalist immediately turned into Cliff Huxtable and explained in after school special form that white people are just like black people, don't bite, and can be your friends too.

The interaction between the Professional Rationalist and Lil Kim (obviously not the young lady's name but will be used for comedic purposes) illustrates that many people may not actually have friends from different races. Yes, you may speak to the parent of white kids on your child's sports team, you may go to lunch with a coworker, and you may share your weekend highlights with your company's doorperson. Yet, you aren't go in their house and take your shoes off friends.

This made me think. I have done some amazing things in my life. Many of them have been while I was in the company of white people. Admittedly, two of my best friends happen to not have pigment. Therefore, I speak from personal experience when I say that white people, other than the whole slavery situation, offer huge benefits such as sampling for rap music, exotic foods, camping trips, and networking for jobs.

Therefore, in honor or Elizabeth Taylor, Grey from Greys Anatomy, Michael Jackson, The Rat Pack, Tyrone from the show California Dreams, the nappy headed black kid from Barney, Eminem, The Willis' from the Jefferson's, Lisa Turtle from Saved by the Bell, Hall & Oates, The Beastie Boys, and Tina Marie, we will be bringing to you a feature that explains all of the cool things you can do with white people that you would never do with black people.


Right on my brothers and sisters.

Piss on Week 6.29.09

10. Retro-Mania

The Air Jordan 1 is a classic shoe that was originally released during the 1985 basketball season. Due to its success over the years, Nike/Jordan has re-released the shoe for young sneaker enthusiasts to purchase. I used to be cool with that until this year. I have seen this shoe in every color, size, and material possible. Therefore I am pissing on Brand Jordan for running this sneaker into the ground.

9. McDonald’s Victim

I’ve been irate at the drive thru window because they put cheese on my burger. I have yelled a bit because my fries were cold. Even screamed at a manager for not letting me order off the Value Menu after 12 AM. Never have I felt the need to make a 911 call. This fool gets the business for calling 911 over $8.00.


8. Lil Wayne

Just when you think I ran out of urine for this idiot, he gives me another opportunity that I just can’t pass up. During the BET Awards he performed his hit song about sexing every girl in the world. He gets pissed on for thinking it was acceptable to do this song while his 12 year old daughter and her friends paraded around the stage. He should have just invited R. Kelly on stage for crying out loud.


7. CFL and Arland Bruce

I’m not pissing on the CFL for being a football league that no one cares about. This is a lot deeper than that. They get the business for fining Arland Bruce for paying homage to Michael Jackson with his touchdown dance. However, Arland gets pissed on too for thinking that playing dead was an appropriate tribute.

P.S. Arland, a Moonwalk across the end zone would have been ideal.

6. Lady Gaga

The newest Pop sensation is a sham; I’m just mad that no one else is aware. I am pissing on her and all her fans for thinking that a blonde wig makes her a legit artist.


5. Ghostly Toilet Paper


Pictured above are rolls of Japanese toilet paper with ghost stories inscribed on every sheet.

This invention gets this business for assuming that I literally want to be scarred shitless.

4. A Friend of Mine

A friend of mine who was born and raised in Philadelphia jus revealed that she didn’t know that Charles Barkley played for the Philadelphia 76ers. It’s normally not a piss-able offense for a woman to not know the star of a basketball team from when she was five.

But when that star happens to be my favorite player of all-time, I have no choice but to piss on a certain individual.

3. Texas Police

These jerks pepper sprayed and tasered a 42-year-old pastor at his Church over a traffic stop.

These cops are going to burn in hell one day, but in the meantime I am going to take the liberty to piss on them.

2. Star Spangled Face


This broad got 56 stars tatted on her face.

She gets pissed on for not realizing that the moment the ink touched her skin she decided that she wasn’t going to do anything meaningful the rest of your life.


1.Gary Barbera

Just when you thought that things couldn’t get anymore ignorant I came across a commercial for the car dealership Gary Barbera. They have an imitation Barack Obama (pictured above) selling used cars.

Good ‘ole Gary gets pissed on for thinking that all black people look alike. The shake before the zip goes to the young brother who accepted this role.

Sports - Practice

Allen Iverson once was the unofficial Mayor of Philadelphia. He could do no wrong. Well he could do wrong, some say he did a lot of wrong yet he still held the hearts of this city's fan base in the palm of his hand. Sad to say, things ended badly and the town's basketball team and its superstar had to part ways. Like many divorces, things ended horribly with his infamous "Practice" press conferences being the dramatic cherry on top. Since we are currently in a dry sports cycle, we should all thank our lucky stars that someone decided to remix Iverson's practice press conference.

The remake came out as entertaining as the original.


DJ Steve Porter - "Press Hop" featuring A. Iverson featuring Mora, Green, Namath, Gundy & T O

Movie of the Week: Gran Torino

Since I was a kid I have dreamt of being an old man. I can't wait to say whatever I want without consequence because I am....OLD.

This is essentially what Clint Eastwood did, with a little wrinkle, for close to 2 hours.

Enjoy.

Gran Torino Trailer

Life: Driving on the Expressway

The expressway can turn the most god-fearing, caring, kind, man or woman into a natural born killer, gangsta rapper, or racist. Breaking in the passing lane, failure to use a turn signal, cutting someone off, driving in a four wheeler's blind spot, cruising in the passing lane, and my favorite: pumping the breaks for no apparent reason, can make someone say or do things that they normally condem.

Driving on the expressway is like a live version on the MTV show "Boiling Point." On a particular bad day, you start to think that your car has been bugged with candid cameras.


Cursing is permitted by all ages. Racial slurs are fair game. The use of middle finger is actually considered a common reaction.

So to all you bad drivers, god bless, happy birthday, safe travels, and stay the "F" out of our way!