For the life of me I can’t seem to figure out how this happened. Someone at the studio must have gotten it all mixed up and meant to schedule her for “Plastic Surgery Gone Wrong.” Nonetheless the Notorious K.I.M. is getting the Infamous P.E.E.
9. Congress’ Obsession with Baseball
We have some serious issues going on in the world today. Economic crisis, trying to discover a cure for AIDS, poverty, etc. And what are the big wigs of Congress concerned about… Baseball players taking steroids. The U.S. Attorney of Washington pissed away a year of tax dollars to prove that a baseball player that most Americans have never heard of took steroids. And now its time for me to return the favor.
8. Septa Bus Driver
One of Philadelphia’s public transportation drivers crashed his bus into a home after choking on a cough drop. The irony is that there is a sign on every SEPTA bus clear as day that permits eating and drinking of any kind.
Peed on for bending the rules.
7. Gift Card Recipients
So let me get this right. Somebody gives you free money and you just don’t use it? That seems to be the case according to the Downtown Bethlehem Association who has reported $25,000 in unclaimed gift cards across the small community. That’s twenty five grand sitting in sock drawers, the bottom of purses, and between the seat cushion….in just one small community! I’d go after gift card holders country wide, but I gotta save something for the rest of this week’s list.
6. Oregon House Bill 2461
Portland legislators are lobbying to raise the tax on beer a whopping 1,900%. This is the most insane thing I have ever heard of.
Why not just call the bill “Prohibition Returns”
5. Dwyane Wade
This basketball phenom knew he was going to get the business for his outlandish All-Star Weekend outfits. He even decided to color coordinate for the urination.
4. Rihanna/Chris Brown Drama
I don’t know why everyone is so surprised. The couples’ meltdown was bound to happen. Don’t you remember the last time two young R&B sensations hooked up?
Sure it was hugs and kisses at first:
But it wasn’t long until we started seeing more of this:
3. Steven Seagal Haters
For years I have been struggling to convince people that Steven Segal is the man. Chuck Norris and Jackie Chan are cool, but nobody talked trash AND whopped as like Steven Seagal.
I tell you what, you choose. Ten minutes in an alley with Steven Seagal or I can give you the ‘business’. Just as I suspected…. You probably chose to be pissed on.
2. Jason Richardson
This NBA jackass was caught going 90 mph hour in a 35 mph speed zone. You’re thinking to yourself, “That’s stupid, but surely not pee-worthy.” Here’s the catch. His three year old son was in the back without a car seat during the whole ordeal. Not even a seat belt! He gets pissed on for having that poor child sliding all over the back seat of his car.
1. PETA
Now before PETA turns around and tries to urinate on me, let me say that I’m all for protecting the rights of animals. Now that I got that out of the way…. Those fools are out of their freakin’ minds! First they send Michael Vick a letter saying he must undergo physiological evaluation and a brain scan before they “let” him do a PSA. Now they are writing letters to Super Bowl QB Kurt Warner begging him to adopt a dog.
I think it’s time someone wrote a letter to PETA:
Dear PETA,
You don’t rule the world so stop acting like it! Kurt Warner and the rest of us will buy a dog anyway we please. Enclosed you will find a sample of my urine. Sprinkle on your staff as needed for being an overbearing organization.
Sincerely,
Professional Rationalist
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar